I met a lad at xmas on a nite out an went on our 1st date in january it was a friday night, i know i was stupid but i went back to his an stayed the nite. The next day he didnt stop calling and txting me, an again we met up went out for the evening an i stayed till the Monday. This went on for 4months meeting up from work during the week for drinks spending weekends in fancy resturants an hotels and daily calls and txts , we were close and a couple. Our last weekend was diffrent he was distant just wanted to cuddle, in the morning we said bye that was that i didnt hear nothing from him for a week despite calling him. When he called me two weeks later he said he had met somone else and it was over and not to contact him again. I was really hurt and cut all ties. A month went by and he called me out of the blue asking how i was i told him i was fine and had moved on, he told me that the new relationship had ended he regrets way he treated me. Altho i met his mother and brother i never met his friends or was invited on nights out but the new girlfriend did although she didnt stay at his house or meet the family. He has asked me out a few times in the past two weeks but i just dont know what to do
HELP
x
X,
You have to walk away from this. Do you really want to hang out with someone who will drop you for another girl any minute? Guys are creatures of habit and if he did it once and got away with it then more than likely he will do it again.
Meeting his family isn't that big of a deal if it doesn't mean a lot to him. He probably introduces everyone to his family but knows it will make you feel special but after 4 months you didn't meet his friends? That is a huge RED FLAG. You should have ended any type of relations after not meeting his friends after the first month.
My roommate is this same way and has 1 girl he will not introduce anyone to. The only time he hangs out with her is when I am out of town because he is embarrassed by her. Lucky for him I am out of town at least once to twice a month.
You need to not talk to this guy. The only reason he is talking to you is because he knows you guys used to sleep together so it's an easy rebound after his relationship. He can go back to sleeping with you until the next girl comes along. This guy wants nothing more than to be secret hook up buddies and unless you're ok with being that girl that no one knows about and he won't tell his friends about then get out. This guy is not relationship material and only wants 1 thing from you and that's not a relationship.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Wait For The Baggage To Drop
Mason,
I’ve been in a relationship with a widower for a little over 2 years. He has been widowed for 4 years. We both started with the idea casual was better, then it developed, and we were with each other all the time, and I was involved with much of his life, and he in mine. We rely on each other and are truly more than lovers – partners and friends. However, I found he was communicating with other women. We took a break for him to find what he wanted, and ended back together, working together, dating, etc. He has acted as if we are going to be together forever, makes plans, etc., and then he says he would be better off alone because he’s hurting me. I’ve tried giving him space, I’ve tried being patient, and I know I can’t be one of the girls. I honestly believe we found each other for a reason, and I don’t want to give up, but am at a loss. I’ve suggested he talk with someone to see if he has truly gotten through the loss of his wife, there may be guilt or betrayal issues there. Am I crazy to think this will work, or should I just walk away and take that pain.
Sounds like you are more into him than he is into you and any relationship is doomed for failure given that circumstance. Like I always say, relationships are not 50/50, they are 100/100 and if you are giving 100% and he isn't then you deserve someone who will give a relationship their all. He is not giving 100% due to the baggage he is carrying around. He needs to drop the baggage and find himself before he can think of being in a relationship.
He needs to deal with his his problems on his own time. If you keep pushing him to deal with everything then he will push back. Whether he says he has baggage or not, he does and he needs to deal with that on his own before he can even think about entering into another serious relationship because if he doesn't then he won't be giving 100% and the relationship will fail. He needs time to deal with his own issues first.
This doesn't mean to wait around though, there is no set time that it will take your man to deal with his issues and actually find himself again. Everyone needs to find themselves before they can even start to find someone to share their lives with. Give him his time and space to deal with his issues and find himself.
"If you love someone, let them go, if they come back to you then they are yours."
I’ve been in a relationship with a widower for a little over 2 years. He has been widowed for 4 years. We both started with the idea casual was better, then it developed, and we were with each other all the time, and I was involved with much of his life, and he in mine. We rely on each other and are truly more than lovers – partners and friends. However, I found he was communicating with other women. We took a break for him to find what he wanted, and ended back together, working together, dating, etc. He has acted as if we are going to be together forever, makes plans, etc., and then he says he would be better off alone because he’s hurting me. I’ve tried giving him space, I’ve tried being patient, and I know I can’t be one of the girls. I honestly believe we found each other for a reason, and I don’t want to give up, but am at a loss. I’ve suggested he talk with someone to see if he has truly gotten through the loss of his wife, there may be guilt or betrayal issues there. Am I crazy to think this will work, or should I just walk away and take that pain.
Sounds like you are more into him than he is into you and any relationship is doomed for failure given that circumstance. Like I always say, relationships are not 50/50, they are 100/100 and if you are giving 100% and he isn't then you deserve someone who will give a relationship their all. He is not giving 100% due to the baggage he is carrying around. He needs to drop the baggage and find himself before he can think of being in a relationship.
He needs to deal with his his problems on his own time. If you keep pushing him to deal with everything then he will push back. Whether he says he has baggage or not, he does and he needs to deal with that on his own before he can even think about entering into another serious relationship because if he doesn't then he won't be giving 100% and the relationship will fail. He needs time to deal with his own issues first.
This doesn't mean to wait around though, there is no set time that it will take your man to deal with his issues and actually find himself again. Everyone needs to find themselves before they can even start to find someone to share their lives with. Give him his time and space to deal with his issues and find himself.
"If you love someone, let them go, if they come back to you then they are yours."
Friday, June 20, 2008
I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You
Hi Mason-
I found your website in search of something that could help me with what Im going through. Well heres the story...my ex boyfriend and I took a break about a month and a half ago. He said he didnt know what he wanted and that he loved me and acred about me and just needed some time. So I did...i called him a couple times but for the most part I let him be. So three weeks later i called him and he says he still doesnt know what he wants to do. But he said he thinks he doesnt want a serious relationship right now. So he took a few days to think about it and he called me back. He said that he didnt want a serious relationship rright now which is what we had and had been dating for about a year and a half. He said it had nothing to do with me and that i was a really great person and that i was beautiful. And told me never to forget that. He said i dont want you out of my life because i care about you a lot and you are important to me. He didnt really give a reason why he didnt want a relationship but just bc thats what his instinct was telling him. He assured me he wasnt going to date other girls and that he said it would be good for me too go be on my own for a while and learn to stand on my own two feet. So about a week later i called him because i still had hopes of us getting back together and i asked him if there was ever anc chnace of that happening and he told me not to think about
it. I said i know i shouldnt but i keep hoping. I asked him again later and he took a minute and then said no. It hurt really bad. Since then i have been having a really hard time getting over him because part of me thinks he said that just so i wouldnt keep worrying about us getting back together so i can get better bc he has beeen hurt in the past by waiting for someone who was leading him on. everyone always told us we were such a good couple and even people we didnt really now would say that. His family lved me and mine liked him. I still feel like he is in love with me but i dont know. Should i just let this all go? I dont undertsand how you can love someone but not want to be with them or there not meant for each other. We had a great relationship! We communicated very well, got through a lot of things together, and were compatible. I know now that i really need to be happy by myself before im with anyone. But do you think there is any hope of us happening because i feel like he is a great person for me. Is it just a stage hes going through?
Thanks for your help!
-Ann
Ann,
If it seemed sudden and unexpected that he ended it then you were probably too wrapped up in the relationship and in him to see how he was feeling. This happens a lot to girls. Girls will get wrapped up in a relationship and not notice any of the red flags their partner is throwing up. The guy will start to distance himself from his partner and the relationship little by little until he is able to end it with little or no emotional strain on himself.
It's a well known fact that women are a lot more emotional than guys but that's not to say that guys aren't emotional. Women tend to get attached to their emotions more often and let their emotions control them more than guys. Women won't notice a lot of small stuff about their partner when he is distancing himself because they are blinded by how strong their feelings are for their partner. Guys will do the same thing as well but guys aren't as attached to their emotions as women. When a guy is in a relationship and any number of factors gives him the urge to end his relationship then it is not as hard on him to emotionally distance himself from his partner until he is ready to end it. It is completely selfish but a lot of guys who do this don't even realize they are doing it.
I hate to say it but even if your man isn't over you it sounds like he wants to be and will act the part. Just like with me and my last ex, I wasn't over her but I knew I couldn't be with her and my logic was better than my emotions. I couldn't go back to her no matter how much I wanted to and eventually, sooner rather than later I really was over her.
Even if you look at the best case scenario where he decides he wants to get back together, do you really want to be with someone who was able to end it so easily? If he did it once, he will do it again. Men are creatures of habit.
This does not sound like a stage at all and don't treat it like one or else you will only be hurting yourself. If you keep thinking this is a stage then he will be over you and you will still have those strong feelings for him and waiting for him and it won't happen. I suggest moving on because it sounds like that's what he's trying to do.
"I know now that i really need to be happy by myself before im with anyone." I love that you said that because it is 100% true and a lot of people don't realize that. You need to surround yourself with positive people and people that make you smile. Don't dwell over a break up, it will only make it worse. You need distractions, distractions, distractions. Anything to keep your mind off of him, find a hobby, hang out with friends, find new boys and learn to be happy and single.
I found your website in search of something that could help me with what Im going through. Well heres the story...my ex boyfriend and I took a break about a month and a half ago. He said he didnt know what he wanted and that he loved me and acred about me and just needed some time. So I did...i called him a couple times but for the most part I let him be. So three weeks later i called him and he says he still doesnt know what he wants to do. But he said he thinks he doesnt want a serious relationship right now. So he took a few days to think about it and he called me back. He said that he didnt want a serious relationship rright now which is what we had and had been dating for about a year and a half. He said it had nothing to do with me and that i was a really great person and that i was beautiful. And told me never to forget that. He said i dont want you out of my life because i care about you a lot and you are important to me. He didnt really give a reason why he didnt want a relationship but just bc thats what his instinct was telling him. He assured me he wasnt going to date other girls and that he said it would be good for me too go be on my own for a while and learn to stand on my own two feet. So about a week later i called him because i still had hopes of us getting back together and i asked him if there was ever anc chnace of that happening and he told me not to think about
it. I said i know i shouldnt but i keep hoping. I asked him again later and he took a minute and then said no. It hurt really bad. Since then i have been having a really hard time getting over him because part of me thinks he said that just so i wouldnt keep worrying about us getting back together so i can get better bc he has beeen hurt in the past by waiting for someone who was leading him on. everyone always told us we were such a good couple and even people we didnt really now would say that. His family lved me and mine liked him. I still feel like he is in love with me but i dont know. Should i just let this all go? I dont undertsand how you can love someone but not want to be with them or there not meant for each other. We had a great relationship! We communicated very well, got through a lot of things together, and were compatible. I know now that i really need to be happy by myself before im with anyone. But do you think there is any hope of us happening because i feel like he is a great person for me. Is it just a stage hes going through?
Thanks for your help!
-Ann
Ann,
If it seemed sudden and unexpected that he ended it then you were probably too wrapped up in the relationship and in him to see how he was feeling. This happens a lot to girls. Girls will get wrapped up in a relationship and not notice any of the red flags their partner is throwing up. The guy will start to distance himself from his partner and the relationship little by little until he is able to end it with little or no emotional strain on himself.
It's a well known fact that women are a lot more emotional than guys but that's not to say that guys aren't emotional. Women tend to get attached to their emotions more often and let their emotions control them more than guys. Women won't notice a lot of small stuff about their partner when he is distancing himself because they are blinded by how strong their feelings are for their partner. Guys will do the same thing as well but guys aren't as attached to their emotions as women. When a guy is in a relationship and any number of factors gives him the urge to end his relationship then it is not as hard on him to emotionally distance himself from his partner until he is ready to end it. It is completely selfish but a lot of guys who do this don't even realize they are doing it.
I hate to say it but even if your man isn't over you it sounds like he wants to be and will act the part. Just like with me and my last ex, I wasn't over her but I knew I couldn't be with her and my logic was better than my emotions. I couldn't go back to her no matter how much I wanted to and eventually, sooner rather than later I really was over her.
Even if you look at the best case scenario where he decides he wants to get back together, do you really want to be with someone who was able to end it so easily? If he did it once, he will do it again. Men are creatures of habit.
This does not sound like a stage at all and don't treat it like one or else you will only be hurting yourself. If you keep thinking this is a stage then he will be over you and you will still have those strong feelings for him and waiting for him and it won't happen. I suggest moving on because it sounds like that's what he's trying to do.
"I know now that i really need to be happy by myself before im with anyone." I love that you said that because it is 100% true and a lot of people don't realize that. You need to surround yourself with positive people and people that make you smile. Don't dwell over a break up, it will only make it worse. You need distractions, distractions, distractions. Anything to keep your mind off of him, find a hobby, hang out with friends, find new boys and learn to be happy and single.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
People Change
XKX: Thank you :) Well basically, she dated this shy guy when the pair of them were around 12/13 (very young!) and when they broke up the pair of them acted like each other didnt exist. And 3/4 years later she decided to call him up and ask to be friends again & apologised for all the crap that happened before. Only now that they r friends, she feels that the friendship is one-sided...
XKX: as she always texts him first & says hello first on msn..
Mason: 12 and 13 is really young for a relationship
Mason: how old are they now?
XKX: they are about 17
XKX: and i feel sorry for her :(
XKX: but he is still quite a shy guy
Mason: Does she have any romantic interest in this guy?
XKX: Yep she still has feelings for him but wouldnt dream of telling him as shes only now got him back as a friend.
XKX: but she just wants to find a way for him to start WANTING to speak to her without her texting first
XKX: if u get what i mean
XKX: ?
Mason: ya, i know what you mean
Mason: do they hang out or just talk?
Mason: text? msn?
XKX: yeah they have hung out once and also text/msn but since they have gone back to college he seems to have shut down as he is quite shy.
XKX: he no longer returns the "and how u doin" when she asks him how he is on msn
Mason: its just sounds like he isn't interested
XKX: oh right
Mason: guys mature a lot differently than girls
Mason: and 3-4 years especially at that young of an age is a HUGE different
Mason: he isn't the same guy that he was when they first dated
Mason: and she is probably trying to talk to him and treat him like he is
Mason: best way for her to approach it would be to start over again and start from the beginning and get to know him all over again
Mason: because if he is that shy and she is asking him how he is doing then it may put him off a little bit if he isn't completely comfortable with her
Mason: and it sounds like he isn't comfortable
Mason: shy guys don't like to give off too much information about themselves and even the smallest thing like asking how they are can make them uncomfortable
XKX: oh right, yeah i think im following u, so what is the best thing to do?
XKX: like if she cant ask him how he is then whats the best thing?
XKX: like to get him comfortable
Mason: she needs to reconnect with him and start over from the beginning
Mason: when you are dating at 12 and 13 that is just so young
Mason: that he isnt the same person he was back then so she has to come at him like she would any guy she doesnt know
XKX: oh right and what should she do to "come at him" like what sort of things shud she say?
Mason: if he is that shy then he wont make the first move
Mason: she needs to do that without breeching his comfort levels
XKX: okay, so what should she do to achieve that?
XKX: like what to say to him?
Mason: she needs to take the lead without being too forward
Mason: and it needs to be in person so they can reconnect again
Mason: She needs to make plans and then include him
Mason: As in, "I'm free tonight, lets go get coffee"
XKX: ahh right :) but what if he gets shy about doing that too?? u know meetng up n stuff, how can she asure him it will cool?
Mason: she can't
Mason: there is no way too see until you do it
Mason: there is no sure things when it comes to dating
Mason: or courting
XKX: ahh right, but what if he says no>? should she suggest another time.>
XKX: ?
Mason: if he says no then dont push it
Mason: that will make her sound way too needy
Mason: if not then drop it there
Mason: I would always wait until the day of to invite him
Mason: because the longer in advance the date is then the more time he has to think of an excuse to not go
Mason: if he says no then drop it like it never happened and then do it again another time
XKX: okay dokey - thank you :)
XKX: uve really helped, ill pass it on to my friend :)
Mason: Your welcome ;-)
XKX: Thanks :)
XKX: as she always texts him first & says hello first on msn..
Mason: 12 and 13 is really young for a relationship
Mason: how old are they now?
XKX: they are about 17
XKX: and i feel sorry for her :(
XKX: but he is still quite a shy guy
Mason: Does she have any romantic interest in this guy?
XKX: Yep she still has feelings for him but wouldnt dream of telling him as shes only now got him back as a friend.
XKX: but she just wants to find a way for him to start WANTING to speak to her without her texting first
XKX: if u get what i mean
XKX: ?
Mason: ya, i know what you mean
Mason: do they hang out or just talk?
Mason: text? msn?
XKX: yeah they have hung out once and also text/msn but since they have gone back to college he seems to have shut down as he is quite shy.
XKX: he no longer returns the "and how u doin" when she asks him how he is on msn
Mason: its just sounds like he isn't interested
XKX: oh right
Mason: guys mature a lot differently than girls
Mason: and 3-4 years especially at that young of an age is a HUGE different
Mason: he isn't the same guy that he was when they first dated
Mason: and she is probably trying to talk to him and treat him like he is
Mason: best way for her to approach it would be to start over again and start from the beginning and get to know him all over again
Mason: because if he is that shy and she is asking him how he is doing then it may put him off a little bit if he isn't completely comfortable with her
Mason: and it sounds like he isn't comfortable
Mason: shy guys don't like to give off too much information about themselves and even the smallest thing like asking how they are can make them uncomfortable
XKX: oh right, yeah i think im following u, so what is the best thing to do?
XKX: like if she cant ask him how he is then whats the best thing?
XKX: like to get him comfortable
Mason: she needs to reconnect with him and start over from the beginning
Mason: when you are dating at 12 and 13 that is just so young
Mason: that he isnt the same person he was back then so she has to come at him like she would any guy she doesnt know
XKX: oh right and what should she do to "come at him" like what sort of things shud she say?
Mason: if he is that shy then he wont make the first move
Mason: she needs to do that without breeching his comfort levels
XKX: okay, so what should she do to achieve that?
XKX: like what to say to him?
Mason: she needs to take the lead without being too forward
Mason: and it needs to be in person so they can reconnect again
Mason: She needs to make plans and then include him
Mason: As in, "I'm free tonight, lets go get coffee"
XKX: ahh right :) but what if he gets shy about doing that too?? u know meetng up n stuff, how can she asure him it will cool?
Mason: she can't
Mason: there is no way too see until you do it
Mason: there is no sure things when it comes to dating
Mason: or courting
XKX: ahh right, but what if he says no>? should she suggest another time.>
XKX: ?
Mason: if he says no then dont push it
Mason: that will make her sound way too needy
Mason: if not then drop it there
Mason: I would always wait until the day of to invite him
Mason: because the longer in advance the date is then the more time he has to think of an excuse to not go
Mason: if he says no then drop it like it never happened and then do it again another time
XKX: okay dokey - thank you :)
XKX: uve really helped, ill pass it on to my friend :)
Mason: Your welcome ;-)
XKX: Thanks :)
Monday, June 9, 2008
Pack Up And RUN
Okay so there is this girl that i have been talking to since October so about 8 months. Well when we started talking she didnt tell me that she had a boyfriend. Well i like to think of myself as a smart guy and i figured it out. Well I broke it off with her and she was tore up about it too. The other guy also found out too. I just told her that is was over and nothing more, where as he call her all kinds of names. Well we went a week with out talking and when we did talk i asked her why she tried to get back with him (which she did like the next day) and not me. She told me it was because they have history. Well weeks go on and she started talking to me again. Tell me how he treats her. Gets mad at her for this least little things. Goes through her phone as soon as she gets to his house. Well she tells me they are done and stated getting with me again, but something is odd and i found again that she is still with him. Again i break it off with her and this time she tells me that she loves me. Okay a week or two goes by and she coming back to me again. They only time we really hang out is at work. She is always over me. I would text her asking her if she wants to hang out and she always have something else going on...I found out that she has slept with him more than once so i break it off AGAIN. NOw she is trying to get me back again. She told me that they have broken up but he is trying to get her back. Well i had to use her phone to do an order with and something didnt feel right so i looked through her text messages and she was telling him she love him and all this. This was about two week ago when she told me they had broken up. Well i had to use her phone again yesterday and she deleted all of her messages and call history before she gave it to me, which i didnt tell her i looked in her phone or acted different either. Why i had her phone he sent her a message. I didnt read it, but when i gave her her phone back i told her it was going off she said it was her sister. SO she is trying to get me back again but she is still lying about this other guy. I dont know if they are fight or sending sweet nothing to each other....SO what should i do? She will not let me move on.
This is a completely messed up situation. This girl is stuck in between you and her boyfriend and keeps choosing her boyfriend. You need to walk away and not talk to this girl. She will keep playing games and lie to you and her boyfriend about everything. This sounds like she is a VERY insecure girl and loves the attention she is getting from you and her boyfriend.
This girl is the definition of why I always urge people to wait at least 6 months after a relationship to even consider being in another one. 6 months of not talking to your ex, 6 months of being single again, and 6 months of finding yourself. If you don't wait and you hop from relationship to relationship then you are carrying all sorts of baggage with you from a past relationship into a new one.
Stay away from this chick, she has all sorts of baggage. She is full of lies and deception and nothing good will come of you trying to date her. If you work with her then do just that. Work with her and do nothing more. Keep in professional and don't get interested and look through her phone or her texts or anything of the sort. There is NO future between you and this girl and walking away now will be a very good decision.
Throw in the towel, this girl is not a keeper.
This is a completely messed up situation. This girl is stuck in between you and her boyfriend and keeps choosing her boyfriend. You need to walk away and not talk to this girl. She will keep playing games and lie to you and her boyfriend about everything. This sounds like she is a VERY insecure girl and loves the attention she is getting from you and her boyfriend.
This girl is the definition of why I always urge people to wait at least 6 months after a relationship to even consider being in another one. 6 months of not talking to your ex, 6 months of being single again, and 6 months of finding yourself. If you don't wait and you hop from relationship to relationship then you are carrying all sorts of baggage with you from a past relationship into a new one.
Stay away from this chick, she has all sorts of baggage. She is full of lies and deception and nothing good will come of you trying to date her. If you work with her then do just that. Work with her and do nothing more. Keep in professional and don't get interested and look through her phone or her texts or anything of the sort. There is NO future between you and this girl and walking away now will be a very good decision.
Throw in the towel, this girl is not a keeper.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Time To Cut The String
I just found your website and really could use your advice.
This guy i have been dating for a year and a half told me friday that he wanted space. well we share the same friends and after he said that he slept with another girl on sat. well he still calls me and we actually slept together sun. and monday and keeps telling me how much he cares about me and that he still have feelings for me and he just needs space. i asked him if he had feelings for this other girl and he told me no at first and then he changed his answer to i don't know i might but they are different than my feelings for you. he said he just isn't ready for a relationship at this point in his life but he doesn't want to hurt me and doesn't want to lose me. he said when he is ready to be in a realtionship i wil be the first one he would think of. well we decided not to call text or see each other until his space time is over. but he keeps calling me and texting me and today i was walking my dog and he passed me. he turned around and starte talking to me talking about how hot i looked and he actually asked if he could have a hug. well during our hug he kissed me on the cheek and just hugged me tighter while he made a slight sigh of a sound. what does this mean? what do i do? what if he develops feelings for this girl and leaves me behind? what does it mean that he can't leave me alone and stop toaching me but he is the one that wants space?
-Confused
Confused,
You are a lot more into this guy than he is into you. He said he wanted space Friday and then sleeps with a girl Saturday? That is a horrible thing for him to do. That just means that he has been wanting to ask for 'space' for a while if he is able to sleep with a girl just a day after a year and a half relationship. If the guy cared for you as much as he says he does then none of this would be happening and you two would be happy and together.
I have seen a lot of guys do what this guy is doing and I personally have done this too. It is a big dirtbag move but girls fall for it so guys keep doing it. It sounds like he wants to go and hook up with other girls and have a good time without you but he will keep telling you he has feelings for you and stringing you along so you don't do the same thing. It's a huge double standard that is not ok. It is the same double standard that makes it ok for guys to be promiscuous but when a girl does it she is a slut. I bet he still does have feelings for you and tells you that because he doesn't want you running around meeting guys but in his head it's ok for him to go hook up with girls. He is basically turning you into a booty call for him and telling you how much he cares and would like to be with you in the future will stop you from moving on because he knows you will hold onto that.
When a guy says, "I don't want a relationship right now." This is just an easy out for a guy to say without actually having to explain anything and trust me, if there is an easy way for anything then guys will find it. It really means, "I don't want a relationship right now with you." In reality any guy will enter into a relationship with that right girl when she comes along. Some guys are more picky than others and "that girl" is harder to find. The more he tries to justify why he doesn't want a relationship then the more he is saying, "Not now, not with you."
I have always been a big fan of actions speak louder than words because it is so true. Think about it, this guy is telling you one thing but then doing the complete opposite. It is easy to lie with words but hard to lie with actions.
He may want to be single or he may have strong feelings for the other girl and he does have different feelings for you because of course you are going to have some sort of feelings for someone after dating them for a year and a half. No matter what it is you need to take charge here and not take his crap. Him sleeping with a girl the day after asking for space is a HUGE red flag that I would not suggest putting up with. He said he wants his space so don't give him the best of both worlds. Give him his space. Ignore his calls, texts, emails, and however else he tries to contact you. It will only hurt you more because he will only give you more excuses. You should consider what he is doing a break up. Not just a break. You need to surround yourself with positive people and go out and meet guys and have a good time.
Don't wait around for this guy if he isn't sure he wants to be with you. You could be missing out on an opportunity with another great guy while waiting around for this one as he strings you along.
This guy i have been dating for a year and a half told me friday that he wanted space. well we share the same friends and after he said that he slept with another girl on sat. well he still calls me and we actually slept together sun. and monday and keeps telling me how much he cares about me and that he still have feelings for me and he just needs space. i asked him if he had feelings for this other girl and he told me no at first and then he changed his answer to i don't know i might but they are different than my feelings for you. he said he just isn't ready for a relationship at this point in his life but he doesn't want to hurt me and doesn't want to lose me. he said when he is ready to be in a realtionship i wil be the first one he would think of. well we decided not to call text or see each other until his space time is over. but he keeps calling me and texting me and today i was walking my dog and he passed me. he turned around and starte talking to me talking about how hot i looked and he actually asked if he could have a hug. well during our hug he kissed me on the cheek and just hugged me tighter while he made a slight sigh of a sound. what does this mean? what do i do? what if he develops feelings for this girl and leaves me behind? what does it mean that he can't leave me alone and stop toaching me but he is the one that wants space?
-Confused
Confused,
You are a lot more into this guy than he is into you. He said he wanted space Friday and then sleeps with a girl Saturday? That is a horrible thing for him to do. That just means that he has been wanting to ask for 'space' for a while if he is able to sleep with a girl just a day after a year and a half relationship. If the guy cared for you as much as he says he does then none of this would be happening and you two would be happy and together.
I have seen a lot of guys do what this guy is doing and I personally have done this too. It is a big dirtbag move but girls fall for it so guys keep doing it. It sounds like he wants to go and hook up with other girls and have a good time without you but he will keep telling you he has feelings for you and stringing you along so you don't do the same thing. It's a huge double standard that is not ok. It is the same double standard that makes it ok for guys to be promiscuous but when a girl does it she is a slut. I bet he still does have feelings for you and tells you that because he doesn't want you running around meeting guys but in his head it's ok for him to go hook up with girls. He is basically turning you into a booty call for him and telling you how much he cares and would like to be with you in the future will stop you from moving on because he knows you will hold onto that.
When a guy says, "I don't want a relationship right now." This is just an easy out for a guy to say without actually having to explain anything and trust me, if there is an easy way for anything then guys will find it. It really means, "I don't want a relationship right now with you." In reality any guy will enter into a relationship with that right girl when she comes along. Some guys are more picky than others and "that girl" is harder to find. The more he tries to justify why he doesn't want a relationship then the more he is saying, "Not now, not with you."
I have always been a big fan of actions speak louder than words because it is so true. Think about it, this guy is telling you one thing but then doing the complete opposite. It is easy to lie with words but hard to lie with actions.
He may want to be single or he may have strong feelings for the other girl and he does have different feelings for you because of course you are going to have some sort of feelings for someone after dating them for a year and a half. No matter what it is you need to take charge here and not take his crap. Him sleeping with a girl the day after asking for space is a HUGE red flag that I would not suggest putting up with. He said he wants his space so don't give him the best of both worlds. Give him his space. Ignore his calls, texts, emails, and however else he tries to contact you. It will only hurt you more because he will only give you more excuses. You should consider what he is doing a break up. Not just a break. You need to surround yourself with positive people and go out and meet guys and have a good time.
Don't wait around for this guy if he isn't sure he wants to be with you. You could be missing out on an opportunity with another great guy while waiting around for this one as he strings you along.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Hey! Its me! That guy who doesn't want you to think he is like every other guy
I was exploring the blog world the other day and stumbled upon this post from The Girl In The Mirror who writes A Date In The Life and I absolutely loved it. If you don't read her blog then you need to start, she is awesome! There was so many true things in the post that I wanted to do the male version of it.
Hey! I saw you sitting over there with your friends. My friends and I have been noticing you girls all night but we were busy over here talking about which one of you is the cutest. We have also been arguing with each other about who is going to go up and start talking to you girls. I didn't want to because I saw some guys over there with you.
I'm glad you walked to the bar alone, it gave me a chance to make it look like I didn't mean to talk to you, I just needed to make sure my elbow bumped yours so it didn't look like I was completely hitting on you when I started talking. I like your shirt and what I mean by that is that I like the cleavage. I'm going to try my hardest to keep eye contact when talking to you because I don't want to get caught staring at your chest. I will only glance every time you look away because I think I'm smooth and I can get away with it. Who are your friends? I'm asking this instead of asking if you have a boyfriend because I don't want to seem too forward.
I'm here with my friends, I don't want you to think that I'm here to pick up girls with my friends so we'll just say that we are out to have a good time. You are too? That's really cool. Ya, I like this bar a lot. I come here at least once a week just because there is a lot of good looking girls here. I'm going to pay for my drinks with the wad of $5 bills I have or my American Express and make sure you see me do it while I'm talking to you but I won't say anything about it.
What was your name? One of the coolest girls I know has the same name as you. I thought I'd mention that I have friends that are girls so you know that I can get along with girls. Now that I know your name I can approach you again in a little bit and it won't seem too weird. I'm going to go back to my friends now to report back on you.
I don't want to seem like a creep so I'm not going to be staring at you too much. I do think you are really pretty though. I see you over there talking with your friends and not looking over here, I'm telling all my friends that the boys you are with are just work friends and that I think all your friends are single. I also told them that I think you are the cutest and that you are the one I want.
I have had enough drinks with my friends and now that I have received a little bit of liquid courage I am going to walk up and talk to you.
So you guys all work together? That is interesting. I'm going to talk with the guys a little bit more just so no one thinks I'm trying to pick anyone up here. Your friends seem to like me, now they won't get creeped out if I talk to you. I'm just here to have a good time.
I'm going to call my friends over here now. Remember I was nominated to be the one to talk to your group first so I need to get them in the door with your friends. I'm going to introduce my friends to you and then we can merge groups and my friends can talk to your friends.
Now I should buy you a drink but I don't want you to see me as a guy to get free drinks from so I'm going to excuse myself to the restroom and get myself a drink on the way back.
I'm back. Ya, I grabbed a beer on the way back from the restroom, you should have told me you wanted something and I would have grabbed it. You're silly. Now I seem like a nice guy and girls like nice guys so you should like me. I notice every time you smile, play with your hair and touch my arm. This is good, you are flirting back. You are shorter than me. I know you know that but me telling you again allows me to put my arm around you. You didn't pull away, I think you are a cool girl and your friends seem nice too. I need to tell you this so you know that I have standards and I don't become smitten with any girl that talks to me.
Oh, I just got a text, it's another girl but we are just friends. Now that I have my phone in my hand I see there is something wrong with my phone, your number isn't in it. I know that is super cheesy but I thought it would make you smile and it did. Go ahead and put your number in my phone.
I'm going to call you from my phone right now so I know you gave me a real number. I'm calling you so you can have my number too. There now you clear the call so you can save my number. My friends are flirting with your friends, I hope they aren't creeping them out or else I won't have any chance with you.
We are leaving now but we are going to have some people back at my place after this if you and your friends want to go. By people I mean, my friends that I am with here and your girls. Oh, you have work tomorrow? Ok well I'll call you sometime this week and by call I mean text.
I texted once and called once and now I have too much pride to text or call anymore. I will just assume you were drunk and don't remember me, that's fine I'll just call some other girls.
Oh ya, I did text and call, that was hours ago though. Oh that's ok if you were at work, I was busy all day. I wouldn't want you to think I was as lazy as I really am. You were fun the other night, lets get together this weekend.
I don't know, do you like baseball? Great I have tickets to a game and we can go to dinner and then the game. It's ok I'll teach you all about the game when we get there and help you cheer for the right people.
I would normally just call when I'm outside but I don't want you to know that and that is why I decided to come to your door. Oh ya, I remember your roommate, she was at the bar with you too. She is fun I like her. I hardly know her but I like her because I know it would score negative points with you if I didn't
You look great tonight. I will be cute and open the door for you but this is going to be the only time I ever do it. Ok, we are here at the restaurant, I want to hold your hand to walk in because I think you look really pretty and I want everyone to see me walk in with you but it still seems too soon.
Here we are at dinner, I brought you to this restaurant because a friend of our family owns it and I think it will make me look cool if I know a lot of the people that are working. Go ahead and order anything you want. Just stay away from the really expensive stuff, I'm pretty sure that food is reserved for anniversary's and birthdays. See how many people I know here? Doesn't that make me look real cool and popular.
Dinner was great and I think it was cute that you actually seemed sincere about paying when the bill came. I invited you out so I will cover this date. You can make it up to me by taking me out next time.
These seats at the game are great. Ya, I know a guy and dropping names also makes me seem cool as well. I think it's cute that you keep asking all these simple questions about the game. When I am answering your questions I think it makes me look really smart and I think you should know that.
I know, it is getting dark here at the game. Here, you can wear my jacket and cozy up next to me. I think it's ok if I put my arm around you. You got even closer when I did. This is great.
We should leave now and beat the traffic. I know it's still early, we can go grab a drink. I know a great place, this is the same great bar I have taken the past 4 girls too and they all seemed to like it so I am going to stick to what works.
I know, this is a cool place, you have to see the view from the patio. I know it is super romantic. I'm trying to be a super sweet guy here. Is it working? Lets grab our drinks and come on the patio. I'm going to make fun of the drink you get and say it's girly just so I can see you giggle again.
I know, this patio is very romantic. I am going to use the same line on you that has worked with many girls in the past because I want to kiss you now. I liked the way your eyes lit up after I said that. Surprisingly you aren't a bad kisser, I would know, I have experience. Well My drink is done and I do have to work tomorrow.
I like how you let me hold your hand on the way back my car, I think you may like me. I am still trying to figure out if I like you. You are a good kisser and you are cute too. That doesn't mean I'm going to like you, in fact, I don't know why I really liked any of the girls I really liked but I wouldn't mind seeing you again. I know you may get attached but I'm going to keep my distance for a but to see if I actually like you.
I wish you would invite me up now that we are parked in front of your place. Oh your roommate is up? It's ok, I understand you not wanting your roommate to see me walk in. We can make out some more in my car. Making out is fun and I already know what I'm going to text you when I am on my way home. Ya, it is getting kind of late, have a good night and tell your roommate hi for me.
I had a great night, now you get to plan the next one ;-) I make sure to text the smiley face because girls love smiley faces. I have respect for you because you didn't escalate anything past making out. If I'm lucky? That was your response? Now you are trying to play hard to get, I think that is cute but it would be more attractive if you dropped the games. Well good deal then, I'm an extremely lucky guy. Have a good night and I will talk to you tomorrow about the next time we are going to see each other.
Hey! I saw you sitting over there with your friends. My friends and I have been noticing you girls all night but we were busy over here talking about which one of you is the cutest. We have also been arguing with each other about who is going to go up and start talking to you girls. I didn't want to because I saw some guys over there with you.
I'm glad you walked to the bar alone, it gave me a chance to make it look like I didn't mean to talk to you, I just needed to make sure my elbow bumped yours so it didn't look like I was completely hitting on you when I started talking. I like your shirt and what I mean by that is that I like the cleavage. I'm going to try my hardest to keep eye contact when talking to you because I don't want to get caught staring at your chest. I will only glance every time you look away because I think I'm smooth and I can get away with it. Who are your friends? I'm asking this instead of asking if you have a boyfriend because I don't want to seem too forward.
I'm here with my friends, I don't want you to think that I'm here to pick up girls with my friends so we'll just say that we are out to have a good time. You are too? That's really cool. Ya, I like this bar a lot. I come here at least once a week just because there is a lot of good looking girls here. I'm going to pay for my drinks with the wad of $5 bills I have or my American Express and make sure you see me do it while I'm talking to you but I won't say anything about it.
What was your name? One of the coolest girls I know has the same name as you. I thought I'd mention that I have friends that are girls so you know that I can get along with girls. Now that I know your name I can approach you again in a little bit and it won't seem too weird. I'm going to go back to my friends now to report back on you.
I don't want to seem like a creep so I'm not going to be staring at you too much. I do think you are really pretty though. I see you over there talking with your friends and not looking over here, I'm telling all my friends that the boys you are with are just work friends and that I think all your friends are single. I also told them that I think you are the cutest and that you are the one I want.
I have had enough drinks with my friends and now that I have received a little bit of liquid courage I am going to walk up and talk to you.
So you guys all work together? That is interesting. I'm going to talk with the guys a little bit more just so no one thinks I'm trying to pick anyone up here. Your friends seem to like me, now they won't get creeped out if I talk to you. I'm just here to have a good time.
I'm going to call my friends over here now. Remember I was nominated to be the one to talk to your group first so I need to get them in the door with your friends. I'm going to introduce my friends to you and then we can merge groups and my friends can talk to your friends.
Now I should buy you a drink but I don't want you to see me as a guy to get free drinks from so I'm going to excuse myself to the restroom and get myself a drink on the way back.
I'm back. Ya, I grabbed a beer on the way back from the restroom, you should have told me you wanted something and I would have grabbed it. You're silly. Now I seem like a nice guy and girls like nice guys so you should like me. I notice every time you smile, play with your hair and touch my arm. This is good, you are flirting back. You are shorter than me. I know you know that but me telling you again allows me to put my arm around you. You didn't pull away, I think you are a cool girl and your friends seem nice too. I need to tell you this so you know that I have standards and I don't become smitten with any girl that talks to me.
Oh, I just got a text, it's another girl but we are just friends. Now that I have my phone in my hand I see there is something wrong with my phone, your number isn't in it. I know that is super cheesy but I thought it would make you smile and it did. Go ahead and put your number in my phone.
I'm going to call you from my phone right now so I know you gave me a real number. I'm calling you so you can have my number too. There now you clear the call so you can save my number. My friends are flirting with your friends, I hope they aren't creeping them out or else I won't have any chance with you.
We are leaving now but we are going to have some people back at my place after this if you and your friends want to go. By people I mean, my friends that I am with here and your girls. Oh, you have work tomorrow? Ok well I'll call you sometime this week and by call I mean text.
I texted once and called once and now I have too much pride to text or call anymore. I will just assume you were drunk and don't remember me, that's fine I'll just call some other girls.
Oh ya, I did text and call, that was hours ago though. Oh that's ok if you were at work, I was busy all day. I wouldn't want you to think I was as lazy as I really am. You were fun the other night, lets get together this weekend.
I don't know, do you like baseball? Great I have tickets to a game and we can go to dinner and then the game. It's ok I'll teach you all about the game when we get there and help you cheer for the right people.
I would normally just call when I'm outside but I don't want you to know that and that is why I decided to come to your door. Oh ya, I remember your roommate, she was at the bar with you too. She is fun I like her. I hardly know her but I like her because I know it would score negative points with you if I didn't
You look great tonight. I will be cute and open the door for you but this is going to be the only time I ever do it. Ok, we are here at the restaurant, I want to hold your hand to walk in because I think you look really pretty and I want everyone to see me walk in with you but it still seems too soon.
Here we are at dinner, I brought you to this restaurant because a friend of our family owns it and I think it will make me look cool if I know a lot of the people that are working. Go ahead and order anything you want. Just stay away from the really expensive stuff, I'm pretty sure that food is reserved for anniversary's and birthdays. See how many people I know here? Doesn't that make me look real cool and popular.
Dinner was great and I think it was cute that you actually seemed sincere about paying when the bill came. I invited you out so I will cover this date. You can make it up to me by taking me out next time.
These seats at the game are great. Ya, I know a guy and dropping names also makes me seem cool as well. I think it's cute that you keep asking all these simple questions about the game. When I am answering your questions I think it makes me look really smart and I think you should know that.
I know, it is getting dark here at the game. Here, you can wear my jacket and cozy up next to me. I think it's ok if I put my arm around you. You got even closer when I did. This is great.
We should leave now and beat the traffic. I know it's still early, we can go grab a drink. I know a great place, this is the same great bar I have taken the past 4 girls too and they all seemed to like it so I am going to stick to what works.
I know, this is a cool place, you have to see the view from the patio. I know it is super romantic. I'm trying to be a super sweet guy here. Is it working? Lets grab our drinks and come on the patio. I'm going to make fun of the drink you get and say it's girly just so I can see you giggle again.
I know, this patio is very romantic. I am going to use the same line on you that has worked with many girls in the past because I want to kiss you now. I liked the way your eyes lit up after I said that. Surprisingly you aren't a bad kisser, I would know, I have experience. Well My drink is done and I do have to work tomorrow.
I like how you let me hold your hand on the way back my car, I think you may like me. I am still trying to figure out if I like you. You are a good kisser and you are cute too. That doesn't mean I'm going to like you, in fact, I don't know why I really liked any of the girls I really liked but I wouldn't mind seeing you again. I know you may get attached but I'm going to keep my distance for a but to see if I actually like you.
I wish you would invite me up now that we are parked in front of your place. Oh your roommate is up? It's ok, I understand you not wanting your roommate to see me walk in. We can make out some more in my car. Making out is fun and I already know what I'm going to text you when I am on my way home. Ya, it is getting kind of late, have a good night and tell your roommate hi for me.
I had a great night, now you get to plan the next one ;-) I make sure to text the smiley face because girls love smiley faces. I have respect for you because you didn't escalate anything past making out. If I'm lucky? That was your response? Now you are trying to play hard to get, I think that is cute but it would be more attractive if you dropped the games. Well good deal then, I'm an extremely lucky guy. Have a good night and I will talk to you tomorrow about the next time we are going to see each other.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
