A Place Women Can Get Answers From Men

Welcome to Ask Mason!

For years I have listened to female friends of mine complain about guys and ask for my advice over and over again. As a guy, a lot of their problems are simple for me to diagnose but women just don't understand men like they should. I have been giving advice to women for years and now this is your chance to ask me anything. Don't hold back.

All names and email address will be kept anonymous. Email any and all questions to mstanley669@hotmail.com

I am also on MSN with that same email from time to time. Feel free to talk to me there and ask questions as well. Conversations may be posted but names and emails will be changed.


Sunday, December 28, 2008

Too Soon?

Hey Mason,

My name is joss I find myself in a very awkward situation and I need
advice . I recently started tlkn to this guy that I wrk with we've gone
in one date nd out to lunch . This past sat I invited him to go with me
to an 18th bday party nd after that we went back to his place and ended
up sleeping with him . I knw it was too soon but now I feel like he's
going to lose interest in me or not like me anymore. He just got out
of a long term relationship nd told me he doesn't want anything
serious but I feel that maybe along the line we could work something out
, but now that I slept with him I dnt knw if he's going to want to.
What do you think?!

-j

j,

I see what you are getting at but just because you sleep with someone doesnt mean that they are going to lose interest. Most of the time, sex will build attraction. You have already hung out with him before you slept with him, you have gone on dates. It doesn't sound like a 1 night stand. Heck, even some 1 night stands turn into relationships.

I don't like to tell people to put a time limit or what not on how long they have to wait to have sex with someone. I think little unspoken rules like that are stupid. It is a firm belief of mine that you should do what you feel! If it feels right then go for it, never do anything you think you may regret. If you regret something then just remember at one point it was exactly what you wanted.

Don't think that sleeping with someone too soon is a bad thing because sometimes "too soon" is not too soon at all. If it feels right do it, never regret anything but take responsibility for your actions. Sometimes people have such a strong connection when they first meet that they end up sleeping with each other the first night and it progresses from there. Majority of guys are not assholes, majority of guys won't sleep with someone they have already gone on dates with and then just not call them.

Get out of the "Too Soon" frame of mind because at one point it was exactly what you wanted. Go with it and see what happens, if you guys end up being anything then at least you can say you tried.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Confidence Demands Attention

Mason,

I am a 30 year old married woman. I have been married for 10 wonderful years. Every year gets better and better with my husband. My question isn't about my husband, it's about myself and about men my age. My husband is 20+ years older than me. He tells me I'm beautiful every day and loves me unconditionally.

Yet, I am still a little insecure. It seems as though men my age or younger never look at me, I am totally off their radar. I have decided to go back to school and am now in a junior college filled will younger people than myself. I have tried to see if it's because of my shyness. For several days I made more eye contact and smiled more and I have tried to initiate small talk, in a non-flirtatious ways. I feel as though I am approachable, but I am usually pretty quiet and look down most of the time. I'm not interested in other men romantically, so is that it? If I'm off the market am I no longer attractive?

I feel embarrassed even asking the question. But I really wonder why. Am I unapproachable? Is there something wrong with me that makes me unattractive. I watch my weight, I wear nice clothes, I wear deodorant, I brush my teeth and my hair and I don't wear too much make-up, I don't soak in perfume. I would say that I have a classic hourglass body shape, a small belly, but I'm not fat by any means.

Older men have no problem in telling me that I am pretty or attractive or just simply looking. But men my age and younger don't seem to look twice unless they are somewhat mental. Why is this? I've always wanted to know, and it's been like this since I was sixteen.

Here are a few pictures, I would appreciate it if you would not post them on your blog, but please use them as reference to answer my question. I would also appreciate an honest answer, if I'm just not attractive to younger men please say so. Maybe it's because older men have lower standards (that's the only thing that I can think of).

C


C,

Let me start off by saying, after hearing what you said and looking at the pictures, there is no reason that men shouldn't find you attractive. This is coming from a 23 year old bachelor. That is not to say that just because a man finds you attractive it doesn't mean he will broadcast the fact.

I have noticed, more than ever now, things are changing and younger guys aren't blatantly complimenting or expressing interest in women that they know things aren't going to go nowhere with. I find many older women attractive but I don't stare, compliment or even press the issue. I take it for what it is and move on. Another thing I have noticed myself doing after reading your email was when I did see the attractive older women and then saw the ring they were wearing I would just turn off to them. This is strictly because I am a student of the "There are plenty of fish in the sea" theory and if 1 attractive woman is taken then there are 4 more behind her that are single.

Another thing I have noticed is that the classic beauties are having to compete with a lot of the fakeness that I see daily. I am talking about the fake blonde hair, fake boobs, makeup and push up bras. These are the girls who demand attention and by all means they get it even though I completely disagree with it.

Men mature at a later stage than women and the straight answer I can give is that the younger men aren't mature or confident enough to notice beauty and compliment on it without it being an issue. It does take a confident man to look at a woman and say, "You are very beautiful" A lot of younger guys will not even think about giving this compliment to a woman they do not know.

Do not let the lack of overly forward compliments from young men distress you or break your confidence. If you want to be sexy then it isn't completely based on your physical appearance. Confidence is one of the sexiest traits a girl can have. Yes, you can quote me, confidence is sexy. I can sniff out confidence a mile away and I have met many good looking girls who become unattractive to me because of their lack of confidence.

In closing, just because a guy doesn't look at you or compliment you, doesn't mean he didn't see you or thinks you're attractive. Keep your confidence, know you are beautiful and you will see other people will follow in suit. Confidence draws attention and demands it.