Despite what you may think, being single is not a bad thing. I have heard this from a lot of girls and up until yesterday I didn't know how to explain this until I spoke with a good friend of mine that had just broken up with her boyfriend. She thought that because she was single then no one wanted to be with her. I had to let her know that this was not true. She can be with guys but as I pointed out, the guys that would be with her right now, today, she wouldn't want to be with and if she did go boyfriend up then she would just be settling for some jerk that won't treat her right instead of holding out for that one awesome guy.
You have to understand when you are single that you are single not because you can't find a relationship, but because being single is your choice. If you make the conscience decision that being single as of right now is your choice, and you stick to that decision and you actually believe it then you will be so much happier as a single person and you will be able to hold out for "that guy".
We all have that friend that has to be in a relationship all the time. That friend that is never single for more than 2 weeks. Think about that friend, their relationships never last more than a couple months at the most. This is because they can never accept that being single and waiting for that right person is their choice. They think that because they are single that no one wants them and they have to get right back into that dating pool to find that boyfriend or girlfriend so they are able to validate themselves. I don't care how your last relationship ended or how you want your new one to start. You need make that decision and realize that being single is your choice.
Once you learn and accept that you're single because you choose to be then it takes all the "need" out of dating. You don't need to date to validate yourself anymore. You are now dating to qualify someone to your standards. It's your choice to be single so you don't need to jump into a relationship with someone who has been throwing up red flags left and right. You don't need to date someone who you're "kind of into" just to be with someone. Choose to be single and accept that you are single because it's your choice. Once you can accept that then dating becomes fun again. You can go out and not worry about impressing someone because you don't need that relationship because you can choose to be single.
Chose to be single, realize that being single is your choice. Realize that you are not single because no one wants you. KNOW that being single is your choice and you are better off single than you are with some jerk as of right now. Once you do that then you will start to see many doors start opening for you.
Monday, April 28, 2008
The Boys Over The Girl
Dear Mason,
My boyfriend of 2 years just dumped me. We were each other's first loves. Half of our relationship was long distance and we were planning on moving closer to each other at the end of the summer. He just dumped me out of the blue, telling me he wanted time to think, he wasn't sure if he wanted to be in a serious relationship anymore, doubting our compatibility and giving me a whole lot of "I don't knows." Whatever, he doesn't know he had a great thing, his loss. But why is this so easy for him?
Since our break up, he has been going out 3 to 4 nights a week, driving to long distances to visit friends (when he made a big deal about driving to visit me), just being careless, etc. Things he never did or showed interest in while we were together. Yes, he would go out, but not as much as now. I feel like the person I loved for 2 years isn't the person he is now. It's like he is having a quarter-life crisis. I am upset and devastated, I still think about him everyday, so how and why is this break up not affecting him? I miss him like crazy, how can he not be missing me? He told me he still cares about me and he doesn't want to erase me from his life, but none of his actions have shown me that he truly means any of that. Why is he acting like I didn't mean anything to him? How and why do guys get over girls so quickly?
-Stuck
Stuck,
If it seemed so sudden and unexpected that he ended the relationship then you probably were ignoring some warning signs near the end. Signs that he knew it was going to end soon and he was starting to emotionally and physically detach himself from you and the relationship. When a guy starts doing this before it's over then it's easier for him to end it and seems like he doesn't care when it does end. When in reality, he was preparing for it.
This sounds like a classic "grass is greener" situation. Your ex sees his single friends going out and having a good time and feels that he is tied down with a relationship and isn't able to do what he wants. He starts to distance himself to end the relationship and eventually does and now he is able to be single with the boys. The grass is always greener on the other side.
Guys are also on a different emotional plane than girls and deal with stuff differently. Girls are more emotional and more extroverted with their emotions than guys and that is why they have a hard time understanding a guy and his emotions. I guarantee that he isn't the slightest bit over you but he thinks that if he acts like it then he will eventually get over you. It's the same thing when girls will cry at the end of The Notebook but guys won't. It's not that they aren't feeling the same way, they just won't show their emotions.
Guys don't get over girls that quickly, especially after 2 years. Guys just don't show that they aren't over the girl. I did this first hand after breaking up with an ex. I tried to stop talking to her which was so hard to do. I ended up not talking to her for 3 months after the breakup, going out a lot and being around friends. After 3 months her and I started talking again and hung out for about a year. The entire time I wasn't over her but I never said a word about it and never showed it. Just like your situation. I guarantee he is feeling the same way you are, he is just dealing with it another way and not showing any emotions.
You need to surround yourself with positive people and friends that make you happy. You need to go out and live the single life as well instead of missing someone that is trying to get over you. Sidenote: I'm working on a post about "being happy and single" Should be up in the next couple days. Definitely read that and it should help you out.
"No guy is worth crying over and the one that is will never make you cry" -anonymous
-Mason
My boyfriend of 2 years just dumped me. We were each other's first loves. Half of our relationship was long distance and we were planning on moving closer to each other at the end of the summer. He just dumped me out of the blue, telling me he wanted time to think, he wasn't sure if he wanted to be in a serious relationship anymore, doubting our compatibility and giving me a whole lot of "I don't knows." Whatever, he doesn't know he had a great thing, his loss. But why is this so easy for him?
Since our break up, he has been going out 3 to 4 nights a week, driving to long distances to visit friends (when he made a big deal about driving to visit me), just being careless, etc. Things he never did or showed interest in while we were together. Yes, he would go out, but not as much as now. I feel like the person I loved for 2 years isn't the person he is now. It's like he is having a quarter-life crisis. I am upset and devastated, I still think about him everyday, so how and why is this break up not affecting him? I miss him like crazy, how can he not be missing me? He told me he still cares about me and he doesn't want to erase me from his life, but none of his actions have shown me that he truly means any of that. Why is he acting like I didn't mean anything to him? How and why do guys get over girls so quickly?
-Stuck
Stuck,
If it seemed so sudden and unexpected that he ended the relationship then you probably were ignoring some warning signs near the end. Signs that he knew it was going to end soon and he was starting to emotionally and physically detach himself from you and the relationship. When a guy starts doing this before it's over then it's easier for him to end it and seems like he doesn't care when it does end. When in reality, he was preparing for it.
This sounds like a classic "grass is greener" situation. Your ex sees his single friends going out and having a good time and feels that he is tied down with a relationship and isn't able to do what he wants. He starts to distance himself to end the relationship and eventually does and now he is able to be single with the boys. The grass is always greener on the other side.
Guys are also on a different emotional plane than girls and deal with stuff differently. Girls are more emotional and more extroverted with their emotions than guys and that is why they have a hard time understanding a guy and his emotions. I guarantee that he isn't the slightest bit over you but he thinks that if he acts like it then he will eventually get over you. It's the same thing when girls will cry at the end of The Notebook but guys won't. It's not that they aren't feeling the same way, they just won't show their emotions.
Guys don't get over girls that quickly, especially after 2 years. Guys just don't show that they aren't over the girl. I did this first hand after breaking up with an ex. I tried to stop talking to her which was so hard to do. I ended up not talking to her for 3 months after the breakup, going out a lot and being around friends. After 3 months her and I started talking again and hung out for about a year. The entire time I wasn't over her but I never said a word about it and never showed it. Just like your situation. I guarantee he is feeling the same way you are, he is just dealing with it another way and not showing any emotions.
You need to surround yourself with positive people and friends that make you happy. You need to go out and live the single life as well instead of missing someone that is trying to get over you. Sidenote: I'm working on a post about "being happy and single" Should be up in the next couple days. Definitely read that and it should help you out.
"No guy is worth crying over and the one that is will never make you cry" -anonymous
-Mason
Friday, April 25, 2008
Thanks For The Support!!!
Hey Everyone!
Thanks soooo much for all the support I have received lately on this blog! I have been giving advice to women for a long time but started this about a month ago and have already gotten some great feedback.
I want to personally thank Cara Hurley for her continued support in this new blog.
If you know people that would be interested in my blog then tell them! Spread the word, send in emails and show some support so we can have more emails which equals more posts and more advice :-)
THANKS!!!!
Thanks soooo much for all the support I have received lately on this blog! I have been giving advice to women for a long time but started this about a month ago and have already gotten some great feedback.
I want to personally thank Cara Hurley for her continued support in this new blog.
If you know people that would be interested in my blog then tell them! Spread the word, send in emails and show some support so we can have more emails which equals more posts and more advice :-)
THANKS!!!!
From Guys To Girls
This letter has been going around for a while. This is from guys to girls. This is all completely true and all guys will agree.
We don't care if you talk to other guys.
We don't care if you're friends with other guys.
But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.
It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.
We don't care if a guy calls >OR TEXTS< you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned.
Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait
till the morning.
we do get a little concerned!
Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/
cute/ stunning, we mean it.
Don't tell us we're wrong.
We'll stop trying to convince you.
The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.
Don't be mad when we hold the door open. Take Advantage of the mood im in.
let us pay for you!
dont "feel bad"
We enjoy doing it.
It's expected.
Smile and
say "thank you."
Kiss us when no
one's watching.
If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.
You don't have to get dressed up for us.
*************If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.
We like you for who you are and not what you are.
honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's. or my tshirt and boxers, not all dolled up*************
Don't take everything we say seriously.
Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.
Don't get angry easily.
Stop using magazines/media as your bible.
Don't talk about how hott Morris Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us.
It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that.
Whatever happened to the word "handsome"/"beautiful"
I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me
with "Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy" or whatever else you can think of.
on the other hand im not sayin i woulndnt like it ether ; )
*********Girls, I cannot stress this enough:if you aren't being treated right by a guy, dont't wait for him to change.ditch his sorry,disgrace to the male population ass and find someone who will treat you with utter respect********
Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you're at your
lowest.
Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
Someone who will stop what theyre doing just to look you in the eyes....and say "i love you" ..and actually mean it.
Someone who will buy you flowers on a Wednesday for the sheer fact that it's Wednesday.
We don't care if you talk to other guys.
We don't care if you're friends with other guys.
But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.
It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.
We don't care if a guy calls >OR TEXTS< you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned.
Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait
till the morning.
we do get a little concerned!
Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/
cute/ stunning, we mean it.
Don't tell us we're wrong.
We'll stop trying to convince you.
The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.
Don't be mad when we hold the door open. Take Advantage of the mood im in.
let us pay for you!
dont "feel bad"
We enjoy doing it.
It's expected.
Smile and
say "thank you."
Kiss us when no
one's watching.
If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.
You don't have to get dressed up for us.
*************If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.
We like you for who you are and not what you are.
honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's. or my tshirt and boxers, not all dolled up*************
Don't take everything we say seriously.
Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.
Don't get angry easily.
Stop using magazines/media as your bible.
Don't talk about how hott Morris Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us.
It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that.
Whatever happened to the word "handsome"/"beautiful"
I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me
with "Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy" or whatever else you can think of.
on the other hand im not sayin i woulndnt like it ether ; )
*********Girls, I cannot stress this enough:if you aren't being treated right by a guy, dont't wait for him to change.ditch his sorry,disgrace to the male population ass and find someone who will treat you with utter respect********
Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you're at your
lowest.
Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
Someone who will stop what theyre doing just to look you in the eyes....and say "i love you" ..and actually mean it.
Someone who will buy you flowers on a Wednesday for the sheer fact that it's Wednesday.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Half and Half
Since I kind of went on a tangent with my other post and it belongs on both blogs then I'm just going to link to it.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
New Blog
Hey Everyone!
I have been receiving some inquiries about my dating life and all that good stuff that comes with it. As of right now I am single and I am not looking for a girlfriend. If I find one then all the power to me but when you actually go out looking then you settle and I definitely don't want to settle. I want that girl who inspires me. That girl that makes me want to send flowers to her work just because it's Wednesday.
I have talked to so many girls who say the same thing, "Well we have been together for so long, it's just time to take that next step." To me that is settling. You should WANT to take the next step. When you find that right person then you should love them more after a year than you did at 6 months.
I do date and I do meet girls regularly and I will be posting a lot of my personal experiences as well as my thoughts so you are able to get in the mind of Mason during my dating adventures. The link is on the blogs to the right labeled Mason Stanley.
I am still answering your questions as well so keep those coming.
Enjoy!
As always, your feedback is welcome.
I have been receiving some inquiries about my dating life and all that good stuff that comes with it. As of right now I am single and I am not looking for a girlfriend. If I find one then all the power to me but when you actually go out looking then you settle and I definitely don't want to settle. I want that girl who inspires me. That girl that makes me want to send flowers to her work just because it's Wednesday.
I have talked to so many girls who say the same thing, "Well we have been together for so long, it's just time to take that next step." To me that is settling. You should WANT to take the next step. When you find that right person then you should love them more after a year than you did at 6 months.
I do date and I do meet girls regularly and I will be posting a lot of my personal experiences as well as my thoughts so you are able to get in the mind of Mason during my dating adventures. The link is on the blogs to the right labeled Mason Stanley.
I am still answering your questions as well so keep those coming.
Enjoy!
As always, your feedback is welcome.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Diamonds and Gold
Dear Mason,
I have been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and things are starting to get bad. When we first started dating we would go out and have fun. He would take me to dinners and we would go to parties and hang out with both of our friends and he would show me off to his friends. It was so cute. This lasted for a couple months but recently all we have been doing is staying in watching TV and sitting at his friend's house watching TV. I don't get it. I ask him if he wants to go to dinner or a party or just out and every time he just says no like its nothing. I am getting frustrated. I like him a lot and want things to be how they were when we first started dating. How do I get things back that way? Am I doomed?
-Take me out
Take me out,
It sounds like you guys have just gotten to comfortable with each other. Don't get me wrong, that is a good thing to an extent. The way I had this explained to me in the past was diamonds and gold. In every relationship there needs to be an even amount of diamonds and gold. Woman need diamonds (date nights, walks on the beach, romantic sunsets, etc...) and men need gold (sex). A good relationship is an even amount of both diamonds and gold. From what you described to me about your relationship is that there is all gold and no diamonds. There needs to be an even amount of diamonds and gold. If he's not giving you the diamonds then why are you giving him the gold? If he isn't taking you out as much as he used to then you don't need to have sex as much as you used to. Don't tell him you are doing it, don't even be mean about doing it. Just as nonchalantly as he can say no to you when you ask to be taken out then you can just as nonchalantly say no to him when things start to heat up in the bedroom.
If your man isn't giving you diamonds then you shouldn't be giving him gold.
Think about it, with guys that are just friends, there is no diamonds and gold, you want this guy to be a boyfriend. You don't want him to be a guy you hang out with like you do with your male friends.
You need a spark in your relationship and things to be fun again like in the beginning. In the 'honeymoon stage". Sounds like you guys had a great honeymoon stage and then things fizzled. You need to get back in that mind state and start having fun with your man again. Go out, act stupid, be childish and have fun with each other. If your man isn't willing to do that to make you happy then you shouldn't be with someone who won't go out of his way to make you happy.
-Mason Stanley
I have been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and things are starting to get bad. When we first started dating we would go out and have fun. He would take me to dinners and we would go to parties and hang out with both of our friends and he would show me off to his friends. It was so cute. This lasted for a couple months but recently all we have been doing is staying in watching TV and sitting at his friend's house watching TV. I don't get it. I ask him if he wants to go to dinner or a party or just out and every time he just says no like its nothing. I am getting frustrated. I like him a lot and want things to be how they were when we first started dating. How do I get things back that way? Am I doomed?
-Take me out
Take me out,
It sounds like you guys have just gotten to comfortable with each other. Don't get me wrong, that is a good thing to an extent. The way I had this explained to me in the past was diamonds and gold. In every relationship there needs to be an even amount of diamonds and gold. Woman need diamonds (date nights, walks on the beach, romantic sunsets, etc...) and men need gold (sex). A good relationship is an even amount of both diamonds and gold. From what you described to me about your relationship is that there is all gold and no diamonds. There needs to be an even amount of diamonds and gold. If he's not giving you the diamonds then why are you giving him the gold? If he isn't taking you out as much as he used to then you don't need to have sex as much as you used to. Don't tell him you are doing it, don't even be mean about doing it. Just as nonchalantly as he can say no to you when you ask to be taken out then you can just as nonchalantly say no to him when things start to heat up in the bedroom.
If your man isn't giving you diamonds then you shouldn't be giving him gold.
Think about it, with guys that are just friends, there is no diamonds and gold, you want this guy to be a boyfriend. You don't want him to be a guy you hang out with like you do with your male friends.
You need a spark in your relationship and things to be fun again like in the beginning. In the 'honeymoon stage". Sounds like you guys had a great honeymoon stage and then things fizzled. You need to get back in that mind state and start having fun with your man again. Go out, act stupid, be childish and have fun with each other. If your man isn't willing to do that to make you happy then you shouldn't be with someone who won't go out of his way to make you happy.
-Mason Stanley
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Attraction Is An Art
Mason,
I normally wouldn't write in but here goes... I have been single about 2 years now and I like to think of myself as an attractive girl, I don't really have much trouble meeting guys. I want to settle down and I want a boyfriend and it just seems so hard. I meet guys often and I am often disappointed by them. I have dated my share of guys since I have been single and it just never seems to work out. I don't know if it's me, or if it's really just the caliber of guys I am meeting. Last guy I met at a bar, he was really sweet and we hung out for a few weeks and I started to really like him and then it just seemed to fizzle. There was nothing anymore, we just kinda stopped talking. We still exchange texts and stuff but it just doesn't seem he is interested anymore and I don't want to put my all into a guy who isn't into me as much as I'm into him. This isn't the first time this has happened either. Am I doing something wrong? Is it the guys? What do I do?
-Single and stressed
Single and Stressed,
This is a common problem with a lot of girls. I know my fare share of girls that date a new guy for 2 weeks at least once a month. This sounds like you aren't much of a challenge for the guy. Regardless of what you may think, guys do enjoy a challenge. We all know girls enjoy a good challenge when it comes to guys and they don't want a guy to just roll over and be their little slave. Although you girls would love that, it's just not fun for a relationship. Guys are the same way, they want that challenge.
Sidenote: Some friends and I just recently rented a big vacation house we spent a weekend in. There were some girls there that I didn't know and I met one I was completely into. She was attractive but overall she had a great personality and had this energy that was so much fun to be around. Anyways, nothing happened that day, then the next day some more girls came and from across the backyard we saw them walk out. I was sitting with a male friend who said to me as he pointed out a new arrival from across the backyard, "I would be super impressed if you got with her" Him saying that completely switched my attraction over to this new arrival because now it was a challenge. It was a stated spoken challenge. I didn't realize why I was so attracted to the new girl until later that evening and then I realized it was because my friend had said that to me and every guy loves a challenge.
What I am trying to say is, you need to be that challenge until you know that your guy does start to have feelings for you. You need to make yourself available but not too available. Im also not saying don't sleep with him. You can sleep with him but, and this is important, NOT EVERY TIME you hang out. Guys are like dogs, when they do something good then you can reward them with a treat.
You also cannot display too much attraction too soon. Nothing will turn a guy away faster than a girl who tells him how much she likes him after 2 weeks of dating.
I used to be the guy that you are describing. I used to be into a girl until she told me how into me she was then I would lose all attraction. Some guys are different and take a long time to let their walls down and let themselves be so into someone. I was one of those guys. My last girlfriend and I dated for 3 months before we became exclusive and in that time I saw her being friendly with other guys (Nothing more than talking and social interaction) but this spiked my attraction levels for her. I saw that other guys wanted her (even if they just wanted to sleep with her) and that made me more attracted.
I'm getting off of subject now. What I am saying is that you need to be a little less available to these guys you think you may like. Emotionally and physically unavailable. Its a fact, people want what they can't have. If you become that person then the attraction will grow so much more. Be busy, have friends, go out, make the boys chase you just like a cat chases a string. The cat is completely into the string when it is able to barely touch the string as it is moving away but the minute you stop moving the string and the cat is able to get it and do what it wants with it then that same cat becomes uninterested in that same string.
-Mason Stanley
I normally wouldn't write in but here goes... I have been single about 2 years now and I like to think of myself as an attractive girl, I don't really have much trouble meeting guys. I want to settle down and I want a boyfriend and it just seems so hard. I meet guys often and I am often disappointed by them. I have dated my share of guys since I have been single and it just never seems to work out. I don't know if it's me, or if it's really just the caliber of guys I am meeting. Last guy I met at a bar, he was really sweet and we hung out for a few weeks and I started to really like him and then it just seemed to fizzle. There was nothing anymore, we just kinda stopped talking. We still exchange texts and stuff but it just doesn't seem he is interested anymore and I don't want to put my all into a guy who isn't into me as much as I'm into him. This isn't the first time this has happened either. Am I doing something wrong? Is it the guys? What do I do?
-Single and stressed
Single and Stressed,
This is a common problem with a lot of girls. I know my fare share of girls that date a new guy for 2 weeks at least once a month. This sounds like you aren't much of a challenge for the guy. Regardless of what you may think, guys do enjoy a challenge. We all know girls enjoy a good challenge when it comes to guys and they don't want a guy to just roll over and be their little slave. Although you girls would love that, it's just not fun for a relationship. Guys are the same way, they want that challenge.
Sidenote: Some friends and I just recently rented a big vacation house we spent a weekend in. There were some girls there that I didn't know and I met one I was completely into. She was attractive but overall she had a great personality and had this energy that was so much fun to be around. Anyways, nothing happened that day, then the next day some more girls came and from across the backyard we saw them walk out. I was sitting with a male friend who said to me as he pointed out a new arrival from across the backyard, "I would be super impressed if you got with her" Him saying that completely switched my attraction over to this new arrival because now it was a challenge. It was a stated spoken challenge. I didn't realize why I was so attracted to the new girl until later that evening and then I realized it was because my friend had said that to me and every guy loves a challenge.
What I am trying to say is, you need to be that challenge until you know that your guy does start to have feelings for you. You need to make yourself available but not too available. Im also not saying don't sleep with him. You can sleep with him but, and this is important, NOT EVERY TIME you hang out. Guys are like dogs, when they do something good then you can reward them with a treat.
You also cannot display too much attraction too soon. Nothing will turn a guy away faster than a girl who tells him how much she likes him after 2 weeks of dating.
I used to be the guy that you are describing. I used to be into a girl until she told me how into me she was then I would lose all attraction. Some guys are different and take a long time to let their walls down and let themselves be so into someone. I was one of those guys. My last girlfriend and I dated for 3 months before we became exclusive and in that time I saw her being friendly with other guys (Nothing more than talking and social interaction) but this spiked my attraction levels for her. I saw that other guys wanted her (even if they just wanted to sleep with her) and that made me more attracted.
I'm getting off of subject now. What I am saying is that you need to be a little less available to these guys you think you may like. Emotionally and physically unavailable. Its a fact, people want what they can't have. If you become that person then the attraction will grow so much more. Be busy, have friends, go out, make the boys chase you just like a cat chases a string. The cat is completely into the string when it is able to barely touch the string as it is moving away but the minute you stop moving the string and the cat is able to get it and do what it wants with it then that same cat becomes uninterested in that same string.
-Mason Stanley
Friday, April 11, 2008
Play The Field, Date On The Side
Dear Mason,
I met a guy and we started hanging out. On the second or third date, he made a comment like "let me know if you ever sleep with someone else." That combined with what I knew of him from our conversations, I figured he didn't really want to be committed (I was his first girlfriend), but I kind of put it in the back of my mind. We dated for 8 months and things were going well. Then, on our 8 month anniversary, we had a really serious conversation, with some of the things he said including "I feel like I'm leading you on. I can't say that I love you... I'm not sure I can love anyone at this point, or ever," (he had some emotional issues growing up) and "I really like hanging out with you, you're like my best friend, I feel closer to you than my own family, but I can't be committed to you at this point." He was unable to tell me if he thought his feelings would ever change.
For some reason I stayed with him, and now, 2 years later, things are basically the same. He's "been with" only one other person the whole time, but it's not for lack of trying. We get along so well though, and we really care about each other. Does it ever happen that when a guy gets more experience with other women, he eventually becomes "ready" to settle down? I mean, most people do end up settling down eventually, right? Basically, I can't decide if he really does just want more experiences with other women before he settles down with me (and even if that's the case, I don't want to wait around for 2 more years!), or if he just doesn't feel that I'm the right person for him to settle down with, but doesn't want to tell me that because he knows I won't be with him anymore after that. I do date other people, but things never work out, probably because I'm still so hung up on him.
- Very confused
Very Confused
Sounds like this guy has you on the back burner. There is never a set time when a guy is "ready" to settle down. A guy is ready when he meets the right girl. Family issues are always hard to deal with and make relationships a lot harder. I have been in that boat before but regardless of what issues my family has had and what that has done to me, in the past when I have met "that" girl then everything changed.
More experience with more women does not lead to settling down especially when you are part of his life when he is getting that experience. He is just learning that you will put up with it and that you'll keep waiting around. It sounds like he is stringing you along with false hopes of commitment so you are always close enough to be with but far away enough to not settle down with.
Right now he has all the dominance in your relationship because, like you said, you are still hung up on him and he knows that. He also knows that you won't date someone else when you are still hung up on him. The minute that you realize that you deserve more than what he is giving you is when you will gain the upper hand. Just because you have feelings for him, don't make excuses for him, that gives him too much power. Any relationship is not 50/50, its 100/100.
You need to give him the choice and stick to your guns. It's been 2 years now which is way too long. He knows if he wants to be with you. Any guy knows if they really want to be with a girl within anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 months depending on how much time is spent together.
Make him choose to be with you or not. You don't deserve to be strung along for another 2 years watching from the sidelines while he tries to play the field. You need to be ready to walk away if he doesn't want to settle down because if you don't then your dating life is history. You will be hung up on this guy for a very long time, all the while missing opportunities with guys who will sweep you off your feet. Guys like that are still out there, trust me, I'm friends with many of them.
Experience doesn't lead to settling down. The right person leads to settling down. Give him the the choice and if he can't see you as that person then it's a waste of your time and you need to move on.
-Mason Stanley
I met a guy and we started hanging out. On the second or third date, he made a comment like "let me know if you ever sleep with someone else." That combined with what I knew of him from our conversations, I figured he didn't really want to be committed (I was his first girlfriend), but I kind of put it in the back of my mind. We dated for 8 months and things were going well. Then, on our 8 month anniversary, we had a really serious conversation, with some of the things he said including "I feel like I'm leading you on. I can't say that I love you... I'm not sure I can love anyone at this point, or ever," (he had some emotional issues growing up) and "I really like hanging out with you, you're like my best friend, I feel closer to you than my own family, but I can't be committed to you at this point." He was unable to tell me if he thought his feelings would ever change.
For some reason I stayed with him, and now, 2 years later, things are basically the same. He's "been with" only one other person the whole time, but it's not for lack of trying. We get along so well though, and we really care about each other. Does it ever happen that when a guy gets more experience with other women, he eventually becomes "ready" to settle down? I mean, most people do end up settling down eventually, right? Basically, I can't decide if he really does just want more experiences with other women before he settles down with me (and even if that's the case, I don't want to wait around for 2 more years!), or if he just doesn't feel that I'm the right person for him to settle down with, but doesn't want to tell me that because he knows I won't be with him anymore after that. I do date other people, but things never work out, probably because I'm still so hung up on him.
- Very confused
Very Confused
Sounds like this guy has you on the back burner. There is never a set time when a guy is "ready" to settle down. A guy is ready when he meets the right girl. Family issues are always hard to deal with and make relationships a lot harder. I have been in that boat before but regardless of what issues my family has had and what that has done to me, in the past when I have met "that" girl then everything changed.
More experience with more women does not lead to settling down especially when you are part of his life when he is getting that experience. He is just learning that you will put up with it and that you'll keep waiting around. It sounds like he is stringing you along with false hopes of commitment so you are always close enough to be with but far away enough to not settle down with.
Right now he has all the dominance in your relationship because, like you said, you are still hung up on him and he knows that. He also knows that you won't date someone else when you are still hung up on him. The minute that you realize that you deserve more than what he is giving you is when you will gain the upper hand. Just because you have feelings for him, don't make excuses for him, that gives him too much power. Any relationship is not 50/50, its 100/100.
You need to give him the choice and stick to your guns. It's been 2 years now which is way too long. He knows if he wants to be with you. Any guy knows if they really want to be with a girl within anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 months depending on how much time is spent together.
Make him choose to be with you or not. You don't deserve to be strung along for another 2 years watching from the sidelines while he tries to play the field. You need to be ready to walk away if he doesn't want to settle down because if you don't then your dating life is history. You will be hung up on this guy for a very long time, all the while missing opportunities with guys who will sweep you off your feet. Guys like that are still out there, trust me, I'm friends with many of them.
Experience doesn't lead to settling down. The right person leads to settling down. Give him the the choice and if he can't see you as that person then it's a waste of your time and you need to move on.
-Mason Stanley
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Booty Call Bad Boy
Mason,
I met a guy and we talked for a little bit and then we started hooking up. It was never a big deal, we would hang out at his place with his friends and then I would sleep there a couple nights a week. We have a lot of mutual friends but we never hang out no matter how many times I try to make plans with him. He is either staying home or has plans. I don't want to be pushy and bug him all the time but I am starting to like the guy and I just want to hang out with him more. We talk almost everyday but never hang out. He does have a lot of friends though and is always doing stuff so I don't know what to think. He calls me when he is done with his plans which usually involves drinking and then I'll come over and we will hang out but we don't hook up every time so its not so much a booty call. I want something more from him though and I don't know how to get that.
-In Like
In Like,
Sounds like you let yourself become the booty call. Why would he hang out with you if he is already getting what he wants from you? It makes no sense. If he wanted what you wanted then he would try to hang out with you, no matter how many friends or how many plans he has. Guys make an effort when they truly start liking a girl and until you see an effort then I wouldn't get too attached. If you aren't seeing an effort from him then give him that same lack of effort and STOP BEING THE BOOTY CALL. When he calls at night to hang out then don't answer, or answer and tell him that if he really wants to hang out then you guys can hang out (insert time and place here) and set a date. No girl deserves to be strung along as a booty call by a guy that they are developing feelings for. If this continues then you should just stop talking to him, you will get hurt in the short run. You are missing great guys every day that you still try to make something happen with him.
-Mason Stanley
I met a guy and we talked for a little bit and then we started hooking up. It was never a big deal, we would hang out at his place with his friends and then I would sleep there a couple nights a week. We have a lot of mutual friends but we never hang out no matter how many times I try to make plans with him. He is either staying home or has plans. I don't want to be pushy and bug him all the time but I am starting to like the guy and I just want to hang out with him more. We talk almost everyday but never hang out. He does have a lot of friends though and is always doing stuff so I don't know what to think. He calls me when he is done with his plans which usually involves drinking and then I'll come over and we will hang out but we don't hook up every time so its not so much a booty call. I want something more from him though and I don't know how to get that.
-In Like
In Like,
Sounds like you let yourself become the booty call. Why would he hang out with you if he is already getting what he wants from you? It makes no sense. If he wanted what you wanted then he would try to hang out with you, no matter how many friends or how many plans he has. Guys make an effort when they truly start liking a girl and until you see an effort then I wouldn't get too attached. If you aren't seeing an effort from him then give him that same lack of effort and STOP BEING THE BOOTY CALL. When he calls at night to hang out then don't answer, or answer and tell him that if he really wants to hang out then you guys can hang out (insert time and place here) and set a date. No girl deserves to be strung along as a booty call by a guy that they are developing feelings for. If this continues then you should just stop talking to him, you will get hurt in the short run. You are missing great guys every day that you still try to make something happen with him.
-Mason Stanley
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Miss Confused
Dear Mason,
I was dating someone for a year and then we broke up because he said he wanted space. We used to live together and everything. I was single for a while and now I have just started dating a new guy for about 2 weeks now. After my ex found out I was dating someone else he started telling me that he wanted me to move back in with him. He said he still needed his space but it would be like we were together and we would only sleep with each other and we would live together too. I still have feelings for my ex but I also really like this new guy that I'm dating cause he is such a sweetheart and does everything for me. I can tell he cares about me and he is always trying to do stuff for me. What do I do???
-Miss Confused
Miss Confused,
First you need to stop dating immature guys. Your new guy sounds like a VERY insecure guy and I would get out of that relationship asap. ANY guy who puts his all into a girl in the very beginning like the guy you described really has nothing else going for him except for the fact that he is dating a girl. It may seem sweet and adorable for a little bit but I don't give that more than 3 months until you get annoyed by his neediness.
For the ex, he just doesn't know what he wants. Guys are weird like that. Let me break this down step by step. This guy is confused, when he says he needs space it means that he wants to start looking into other girls to see if there is anyone better out there. By better, i mean better for him. When you start dating another guy then your ex gets jealous and wants you back. Any guy will get jealous if he finds out a girl he is sleeping with is dating someone else. If you go back to him then the same thing will happen again and he will ask for space. Do you really want to date someone who doesn't know what they want? Even worse, someone who doesn't know if they want to be with you?
You should cut off ties with your ex before he confuses you more. It will be push pull until the bitter end if you end up going back to him. Delete his number, erase emails, just cut him out of your life completely. Use this new guy to help you get over your ex. It won't last long with him, I can see you ending it early because of his neediness but it will help you get over your ex and find yourself in the process.
-Mason Stanley
I was dating someone for a year and then we broke up because he said he wanted space. We used to live together and everything. I was single for a while and now I have just started dating a new guy for about 2 weeks now. After my ex found out I was dating someone else he started telling me that he wanted me to move back in with him. He said he still needed his space but it would be like we were together and we would only sleep with each other and we would live together too. I still have feelings for my ex but I also really like this new guy that I'm dating cause he is such a sweetheart and does everything for me. I can tell he cares about me and he is always trying to do stuff for me. What do I do???
-Miss Confused
Miss Confused,
First you need to stop dating immature guys. Your new guy sounds like a VERY insecure guy and I would get out of that relationship asap. ANY guy who puts his all into a girl in the very beginning like the guy you described really has nothing else going for him except for the fact that he is dating a girl. It may seem sweet and adorable for a little bit but I don't give that more than 3 months until you get annoyed by his neediness.
For the ex, he just doesn't know what he wants. Guys are weird like that. Let me break this down step by step. This guy is confused, when he says he needs space it means that he wants to start looking into other girls to see if there is anyone better out there. By better, i mean better for him. When you start dating another guy then your ex gets jealous and wants you back. Any guy will get jealous if he finds out a girl he is sleeping with is dating someone else. If you go back to him then the same thing will happen again and he will ask for space. Do you really want to date someone who doesn't know what they want? Even worse, someone who doesn't know if they want to be with you?
You should cut off ties with your ex before he confuses you more. It will be push pull until the bitter end if you end up going back to him. Delete his number, erase emails, just cut him out of your life completely. Use this new guy to help you get over your ex. It won't last long with him, I can see you ending it early because of his neediness but it will help you get over your ex and find yourself in the process.
-Mason Stanley
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