Time To Cut The String

I just found your website and really could use your advice.

This guy i have been dating for a year and a half told me friday that he wanted space. well we share the same friends and after he said that he slept with another girl on sat. well he still calls me and we actually slept together sun. and monday and keeps telling me how much he cares about me and that he still have feelings for me and he just needs space. i asked him if he had feelings for this other girl and he told me no at first and then he changed his answer to i don't know i might but they are different than my feelings for you. he said he just isn't ready for a relationship at this point in his life but he doesn't want to hurt me and doesn't want to lose me. he said when he is ready to be in a realtionship i wil be the first one he would think of. well we decided not to call text or see each other until his space time is over. but he keeps calling me and texting me and today i was walking my dog and he passed me. he turned around and starte talking to me talking about how hot i looked and he actually asked if he could have a hug. well during our hug he kissed me on the cheek and just hugged me tighter while he made a slight sigh of a sound. what does this mean? what do i do? what if he develops feelings for this girl and leaves me behind? what does it mean that he can't leave me alone and stop toaching me but he is the one that wants space?

-Confused



Confused,


You are a lot more into this guy than he is into you. He said he wanted space Friday and then sleeps with a girl Saturday? That is a horrible thing for him to do. That just means that he has been wanting to ask for 'space' for a while if he is able to sleep with a girl just a day after a year and a half relationship. If the guy cared for you as much as he says he does then none of this would be happening and you two would be happy and together.

I have seen a lot of guys do what this guy is doing and I personally have done this too. It is a big dirtbag move but girls fall for it so guys keep doing it. It sounds like he wants to go and hook up with other girls and have a good time without you but he will keep telling you he has feelings for you and stringing you along so you don't do the same thing. It's a huge double standard that is not ok. It is the same double standard that makes it ok for guys to be promiscuous but when a girl does it she is a slut. I bet he still does have feelings for you and tells you that because he doesn't want you running around meeting guys but in his head it's ok for him to go hook up with girls. He is basically turning you into a booty call for him and telling you how much he cares and would like to be with you in the future will stop you from moving on because he knows you will hold onto that.

When a guy says, "I don't want a relationship right now." This is just an easy out for a guy to say without actually having to explain anything and trust me, if there is an easy way for anything then guys will find it. It really means, "I don't want a relationship right now with you." In reality any guy will enter into a relationship with that right girl when she comes along. Some guys are more picky than others and "that girl" is harder to find. The more he tries to justify why he doesn't want a relationship then the more he is saying, "Not now, not with you."

I have always been a big fan of actions speak louder than words because it is so true. Think about it, this guy is telling you one thing but then doing the complete opposite. It is easy to lie with words but hard to lie with actions.

He may want to be single or he may have strong feelings for the other girl and he does have different feelings for you because of course you are going to have some sort of feelings for someone after dating them for a year and a half. No matter what it is you need to take charge here and not take his crap. Him sleeping with a girl the day after asking for space is a HUGE red flag that I would not suggest putting up with. He said he wants his space so don't give him the best of both worlds. Give him his space. Ignore his calls, texts, emails, and however else he tries to contact you. It will only hurt you more because he will only give you more excuses. You should consider what he is doing a break up. Not just a break. You need to surround yourself with positive people and go out and meet guys and have a good time.

Don't wait around for this guy if he isn't sure he wants to be with you. You could be missing out on an opportunity with another great guy while waiting around for this one as he strings you along.