I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You

Hi Mason-

I found your website in search of something that could help me with what Im going through. Well heres the story...my ex boyfriend and I took a break about a month and a half ago. He said he didnt know what he wanted and that he loved me and acred about me and just needed some time. So I did...i called him a couple times but for the most part I let him be. So three weeks later i called him and he says he still doesnt know what he wants to do. But he said he thinks he doesnt want a serious relationship right now. So he took a few days to think about it and he called me back. He said that he didnt want a serious relationship rright now which is what we had and had been dating for about a year and a half. He said it had nothing to do with me and that i was a really great person and that i was beautiful. And told me never to forget that. He said i dont want you out of my life because i care about you a lot and you are important to me. He didnt really give a reason why he didnt want a relationship but just bc thats what his instinct was telling him. He assured me he wasnt going to date other girls and that he said it would be good for me too go be on my own for a while and learn to stand on my own two feet. So about a week later i called him because i still had hopes of us getting back together and i asked him if there was ever anc chnace of that happening and he told me not to think about
it. I said i know i shouldnt but i keep hoping. I asked him again later and he took a minute and then said no. It hurt really bad. Since then i have been having a really hard time getting over him because part of me thinks he said that just so i wouldnt keep worrying about us getting back together so i can get better bc he has beeen hurt in the past by waiting for someone who was leading him on. everyone always told us we were such a good couple and even people we didnt really now would say that. His family lved me and mine liked him. I still feel like he is in love with me but i dont know. Should i just let this all go? I dont undertsand how you can love someone but not want to be with them or there not meant for each other. We had a great relationship! We communicated very well, got through a lot of things together, and were compatible. I know now that i really need to be happy by myself before im with anyone. But do you think there is any hope of us happening because i feel like he is a great person for me. Is it just a stage hes going through?
Thanks for your help!


-Ann


Ann,


If it seemed sudden and unexpected that he ended it then you were probably too wrapped up in the relationship and in him to see how he was feeling. This happens a lot to girls. Girls will get wrapped up in a relationship and not notice any of the red flags their partner is throwing up. The guy will start to distance himself from his partner and the relationship little by little until he is able to end it with little or no emotional strain on himself.

It's a well known fact that women are a lot more emotional than guys but that's not to say that guys aren't emotional. Women tend to get attached to their emotions more often and let their emotions control them more than guys. Women won't notice a lot of small stuff about their partner when he is distancing himself because they are blinded by how strong their feelings are for their partner. Guys will do the same thing as well but guys aren't as attached to their emotions as women. When a guy is in a relationship and any number of factors gives him the urge to end his relationship then it is not as hard on him to emotionally distance himself from his partner until he is ready to end it. It is completely selfish but a lot of guys who do this don't even realize they are doing it.

I hate to say it but even if your man isn't over you it sounds like he wants to be and will act the part. Just like with me and my last ex, I wasn't over her but I knew I couldn't be with her and my logic was better than my emotions. I couldn't go back to her no matter how much I wanted to and eventually, sooner rather than later I really was over her.

Even if you look at the best case scenario where he decides he wants to get back together, do you really want to be with someone who was able to end it so easily? If he did it once, he will do it again. Men are creatures of habit.

This does not sound like a stage at all and don't treat it like one or else you will only be hurting yourself. If you keep thinking this is a stage then he will be over you and you will still have those strong feelings for him and waiting for him and it won't happen. I suggest moving on because it sounds like that's what he's trying to do.


"I know now that i really need to be happy by myself before im with anyone." I love that you said that because it is 100% true and a lot of people don't realize that. You need to surround yourself with positive people and people that make you smile. Don't dwell over a break up, it will only make it worse. You need distractions, distractions, distractions. Anything to keep your mind off of him, find a hobby, hang out with friends, find new boys and learn to be happy and single.