Learn How To Be Chased...

Mason,

I'll cut right to the chase. K and I were together for 6 years. After two years, I moved with him to live in another state in the hopes that we would eventually get married. He was aware that I wanted to eventually get married, but somehow things drug on and we never got to the point of marriage. I got angry and resentful towards him, and he pulled more and more away. We really cared about each other, but really couldn't communicate about it. I eventually got really frustrated and ended it. That was a year and a half ago. We really were good friends and had a great relationship, we just both had committment issues which muddied the waters. I think they could be worked out, if we tried. The break up has been very amicable, in fact we have kept in contact, and have talked probably at least once a month since we broke up. Recently, he had a few crisis, and called me. We both have been dating other people, (he has been dating someone for a year who lives in another state) So is it odd that he keeps coming to me at times of stress? Of course, I still think about him alot, and he is the first person I want to call if something good or bad happens.
Basically, I'm not happy with the men I've been dating, and I still care about him. I want to see if we can work things out. If we can't work things out, I have to move on, because thinking "what if" (and wondering what he is doing with his girlfriend) is making me go crazy.

I mailed him a very nice letter, saying that It is too hard for me to be his friend, and if he thinks that there is a chance with us, we should talk, otherwise I need to move on. It basically was a "closure" letter. I thought it might help me move on. I got a text from him when he got the letter, he said it was very nice, thank you, and we would talk later, because he had just flown back into town and was tired.
That was a week ago and I haven't heard from him. Was sending the letter the wrong thing to do? What should my action plan be now?I know that I shouldn't seem too desperate (I don't think the letter came across that way). Also, his birthday is in three days, I was wondering if I should send a happy birthday text or ignore it?
Any advise is appreciated. Thank you.
-A

A,

Sending the letter really wasn't the wrong thing to do if you actually meant it. He knows you well and if he thinks that you didn't mean it then most likely he will just brush it off and continue like the letter wasn't sent. The next plan of action is to actually follow up on what the letter said and not talk to him. By talking to him you are hurting yourself because you aren't letting yourself let go of the idea of you and him together again and you are not giving other guys you meet or will meet a chance because of that little seed in the back of your mind that you still may get back together with this guy.

That letter was a good start but now it's time to follow up on what you said. If he truly wants to get with you again then he will start making an effort and the only way that is going to happen is if you really truly do start to move on. It's basically the the cat string theory but in this case you need to try to move on for real. If you start to move on and that reignites his interest then all is well but if you start to move on and he sees that and does nothing then moving on should be the best decision.

No one should date someone who wouldn't fight for them and fight to have them and keep them. That is how the boring and monotonous relationships are and those are the relationships that lose the spark. The letter has been sent and he has it now, so the ball is in his court. You should really try to move on just because it has been so long and it would be good for you. While doing that, if he feels the same way about you, then that should light a fire underneath his butt. If he doesn't then at least you found out and you shouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who isn't giving as much as you. Remember, relationships are not 50/50, they are 100/100. Never settle for anything less.