Attraction Is An Art

Mason,

I normally wouldn't write in but here goes... I have been single about 2 years now and I like to think of myself as an attractive girl, I don't really have much trouble meeting guys. I want to settle down and I want a boyfriend and it just seems so hard. I meet guys often and I am often disappointed by them. I have dated my share of guys since I have been single and it just never seems to work out. I don't know if it's me, or if it's really just the caliber of guys I am meeting. Last guy I met at a bar, he was really sweet and we hung out for a few weeks and I started to really like him and then it just seemed to fizzle. There was nothing anymore, we just kinda stopped talking. We still exchange texts and stuff but it just doesn't seem he is interested anymore and I don't want to put my all into a guy who isn't into me as much as I'm into him. This isn't the first time this has happened either. Am I doing something wrong? Is it the guys? What do I do?



-Single and stressed



Single and Stressed,


This is a common problem with a lot of girls. I know my fare share of girls that date a new guy for 2 weeks at least once a month. This sounds like you aren't much of a challenge for the guy. Regardless of what you may think, guys do enjoy a challenge. We all know girls enjoy a good challenge when it comes to guys and they don't want a guy to just roll over and be their little slave. Although you girls would love that, it's just not fun for a relationship. Guys are the same way, they want that challenge.

Sidenote: Some friends and I just recently rented a big vacation house we spent a weekend in. There were some girls there that I didn't know and I met one I was completely into. She was attractive but overall she had a great personality and had this energy that was so much fun to be around. Anyways, nothing happened that day, then the next day some more girls came and from across the backyard we saw them walk out. I was sitting with a male friend who said to me as he pointed out a new arrival from across the backyard, "I would be super impressed if you got with her" Him saying that completely switched my attraction over to this new arrival because now it was a challenge. It was a stated spoken challenge. I didn't realize why I was so attracted to the new girl until later that evening and then I realized it was because my friend had said that to me and every guy loves a challenge.

What I am trying to say is, you need to be that challenge until you know that your guy does start to have feelings for you. You need to make yourself available but not too available. Im also not saying don't sleep with him. You can sleep with him but, and this is important, NOT EVERY TIME you hang out. Guys are like dogs, when they do something good then you can reward them with a treat.

You also cannot display too much attraction too soon. Nothing will turn a guy away faster than a girl who tells him how much she likes him after 2 weeks of dating.

I used to be the guy that you are describing. I used to be into a girl until she told me how into me she was then I would lose all attraction. Some guys are different and take a long time to let their walls down and let themselves be so into someone. I was one of those guys. My last girlfriend and I dated for 3 months before we became exclusive and in that time I saw her being friendly with other guys (Nothing more than talking and social interaction) but this spiked my attraction levels for her. I saw that other guys wanted her (even if they just wanted to sleep with her) and that made me more attracted.

I'm getting off of subject now. What I am saying is that you need to be a little less available to these guys you think you may like. Emotionally and physically unavailable. Its a fact, people want what they can't have. If you become that person then the attraction will grow so much more. Be busy, have friends, go out, make the boys chase you just like a cat chases a string. The cat is completely into the string when it is able to barely touch the string as it is moving away but the minute you stop moving the string and the cat is able to get it and do what it wants with it then that same cat becomes uninterested in that same string.



-Mason Stanley