Don't Hold Back

Mason,

I met B a little over a year ago. I approached him at a bar asking if he could show me "The Worm" (the dance on the floor). Anyways, that started our talking at the bar and he sat next to me the rest of the night until his ride was leaving. We went out the next night and thus started our "relationship" if you can call it that. He lived in a different city from, about an 1.5 hour drive. He had family and friends in my city so I would see him about once a month, and we would talk/text everyday. A couple of months after meeting I took a job in his city, NOT for him. I had graduated college some months earlier and this was the only job I could find, so I moved and took the job. After I moved I thought things between us would get more serious. We see each other more and more. And by that I mean, maybe once a week or once every other week. He's in the military and very focused on his job and securing a life for himself. His childhood was fully of anxiety from never knowing if his home would have electricity, running water, the things we take for granted. So I understand and respect that he works really hard. He got a second job to help pay for his "toys." He rides motorcycles. Anyways, about 4 months ago while he was visiting his dad and brother out of state he sends me texts telling me he wants us to get married and move to be closer to his dad and brother. I joke and respond with someone along the lines of how cute we would be with our 2 little dogs as kids. He said we would have kids later on, which to me was a huge turnaround from when we first met. He was adament about having a vesectomy because he didn't want to put kids through what he went through as a kid. ANd every once in a while he'll send me a text saying how good of a wife I will be and how cute our kids will be.
However, he's never asked me to be his girlfriend, and we don't talk about what we are. Part of it could be my fear of rejection from him, or my utter lack of wanting to talk about my feelings. I don't even talk about my feelings with my best friends. I'm just not a feeling talking kind of girl. But I know that I love him and am continuously increasing my feelings each time we're together.
So I guess what I'm trying to figure out if my being patient with him is a good thing, or if I'm just wasting my time thinking that if I continue being patient we will continue being us in hopes of one day being with him fully. It's one of those things where I can see us just skipping the natural process of relationships, ie being girlfriend/boyfriend and go straight to be engaged or married. But sometimes I wonder maybe I should just suck it up and sit down with him and ask him where this is going.
Ugh, I dunno. What do you think?

-M


M,


In my experience, military guys tend to want to move a lot quicker than the average Joe. They want to start a life right away and start a family to be able to have that something to fight for back at home when they are deployed. With my friends in the military, they are/were looking for wives, not flings, not girlfriends, not booty calls. They are looking to settle down.

It sounds like your man is saying these things to you to gauge your reactions to them. I don't know why the sudden change from wanting a vasectomy to wanting kids but I can only guess that it has to do with you. That he thinks you and him can raise kids successfully together.

If your man is already talking about kids then it may be a bad thing that you are being patient with expressing your feelings. All guys express their emotions differently and if he is expressing his emotions by saying he wants to get married and you don't reciprocate those emotions then he may just see that as rejection. You should tell him how you feel and it should assure him that it's ok to feel that way as well. If he wants to get married and have kids with you then he has already expressed his emotions.

You need to tell him how you feel and if you don't think he'll grab the reigns and take control and make you his girlfriend then you need to do that. Let him know you love him and want to be with him and then ask him what he thinks. Once you guys start verbally expressing your emotions for each other then it only gets easier and easier and makes you grow closer.

Never hold anything back, you feel things for a reason. Trust yourself and your feelings and never be embarrassed or ashamed to express your emotions.