I Want Some Time For Me

Hi Stanley!


I believe that is your name....I came across your site and it says you like to give out advice and I have a very peculiar situation I thought you may have a few things to say about. I think it's awesome you are willing to put your two cents in by the way it's very much appreciated to women who may not quite know how to handle a situation with their significant other. So for starters, I am 21 one years old and so is (we will call him simply by his name Chris. Chris and I have been attached at the hip since age 12. Coming from a broken family myself, this guy has really gone above and beyond for me in every aspect. I truly need to credit him for helping me grow as a person by pushing me to be my best. We began dating in our last year of high school and last year in september he broke up with me and simply said I want us to have some time for ourselves and to focus on school and that he had a gut feeling it was the right thing to do. We had an awesome relationship with respect, trust, and honesty and have to this day not lost an almost obsessive attraction towards each other. The reason I am confused is because he is taking time for himself like he said and has not dated at all. Not a single time. I on the other hand have in attempt to get over him. It's almost been a year. I've been told many times to move on but I simply can't. My father has taught me a lot about everything a guy SHOULDN'T be and I can truly say this guy is one worth waiting for. I just don't know how long though. We still say our I love you's and occasionally slip when it comes to physical stuff. I feel everything is still there if not more but it kills me to know he won't simply commit. He says he's not ready for it but I really can't understand what's going on. He will also tell others that he doesn't know if it will be two days from now or five years from now, that if things are meant to be they will work out in due time. I feel as if I'm being tested with time. If he showed any action of moving on I would have too, but like I said before, he has no interest in being with anyone else and he is very open and blatant about that. Any advice would help. Thank you so much for reading.

V


V,

Let me start out by saying that it is awesome that you found a great guy. There are great guys out there and women just don't see it because they date guys they find in bars and then wonder why all guys are jerks.

You guys have been together for a while but both of you are still young. You have your whole lives ahead of you. Relationships do take a lot of a person and it is hard to be 21 and try to get the rest of your life in order while focusing 100% on a committed relationship. It sounds like Chris may know just this after being in a relationship with you.

He sounds like an easy going guy that wants to just let things happen that are going to happen. With this mentality he isn't driven to try to pursue something more at anytime because, "Hey, whatever happens is going to happen, lets not fret over it." He wants to focus on school and other things which is completely respectable. It's hard to tell exactly where he is coming from just by the mere fact that he hasn't dated nor does he want to date anyone. I am willing to go on a limb here and say that maybe he is being completely honest and wants to focus on school and setting himself up for a great future.

He says he wants to be together in the future but not now and you want to be committed now. The worst thing to do is to dwell on the issue and constantly bring it up or remind him. Just because he doesn't want to date anyone right now, doesn't mean that you should be the same way. If you feel like dating then date. If you want to go out with another boy then do it. Maybe that be the catalyst that makes him realize that you can be a hot commodity right now that he is missing out on.

Like in the movie The Breakup where Vince Vaughn doesn't really get jealous until the good looking guy comes over to take Jennifer Aniston out on a date. It's playing a little bit dirty but sometimes guys just need that kick in the pants. If your man is sitting on the fence then sometimes it takes someone else shaking the fence to make him realize which side he needs to be on.