The Boys Over The Girl

Dear Mason,

My boyfriend of 2 years just dumped me. We were each other's first loves. Half of our relationship was long distance and we were planning on moving closer to each other at the end of the summer. He just dumped me out of the blue, telling me he wanted time to think, he wasn't sure if he wanted to be in a serious relationship anymore, doubting our compatibility and giving me a whole lot of "I don't knows." Whatever, he doesn't know he had a great thing, his loss. But why is this so easy for him?

Since our break up, he has been going out 3 to 4 nights a week, driving to long distances to visit friends (when he made a big deal about driving to visit me), just being careless, etc. Things he never did or showed interest in while we were together. Yes, he would go out, but not as much as now. I feel like the person I loved for 2 years isn't the person he is now. It's like he is having a quarter-life crisis. I am upset and devastated, I still think about him everyday, so how and why is this break up not affecting him? I miss him like crazy, how can he not be missing me? He told me he still cares about me and he doesn't want to erase me from his life, but none of his actions have shown me that he truly means any of that. Why is he acting like I didn't mean anything to him? How and why do guys get over girls so quickly?

-Stuck


Stuck,

If it seemed so sudden and unexpected that he ended the relationship then you probably were ignoring some warning signs near the end. Signs that he knew it was going to end soon and he was starting to emotionally and physically detach himself from you and the relationship. When a guy starts doing this before it's over then it's easier for him to end it and seems like he doesn't care when it does end. When in reality, he was preparing for it.

This sounds like a classic "grass is greener" situation. Your ex sees his single friends going out and having a good time and feels that he is tied down with a relationship and isn't able to do what he wants. He starts to distance himself to end the relationship and eventually does and now he is able to be single with the boys. The grass is always greener on the other side.

Guys are also on a different emotional plane than girls and deal with stuff differently. Girls are more emotional and more extroverted with their emotions than guys and that is why they have a hard time understanding a guy and his emotions. I guarantee that he isn't the slightest bit over you but he thinks that if he acts like it then he will eventually get over you. It's the same thing when girls will cry at the end of The Notebook but guys won't. It's not that they aren't feeling the same way, they just won't show their emotions.

Guys don't get over girls that quickly, especially after 2 years. Guys just don't show that they aren't over the girl. I did this first hand after breaking up with an ex. I tried to stop talking to her which was so hard to do. I ended up not talking to her for 3 months after the breakup, going out a lot and being around friends. After 3 months her and I started talking again and hung out for about a year. The entire time I wasn't over her but I never said a word about it and never showed it. Just like your situation. I guarantee he is feeling the same way you are, he is just dealing with it another way and not showing any emotions.

You need to surround yourself with positive people and friends that make you happy. You need to go out and live the single life as well instead of missing someone that is trying to get over you. Sidenote: I'm working on a post about "being happy and single" Should be up in the next couple days. Definitely read that and it should help you out.


"No guy is worth crying over and the one that is will never make you cry" -anonymous

-Mason