Hey there Mason,
I’ve already sent you an email before inquiring about my situation (Booty Calls: Not Just For 1 Night Stands.) I have yet another dilemma, I decided that it would be a bad idea to date this guy, so the next time he asked me what was going on between us I told him that I had feelings for him and that I loved hanging out with him, but that I just didn’t think it would be a good idea to date him at the current time, and that sleeping with him just further confused me. He agreed and said he thought it would end badly if we dated, he liked the fact that we had no commitment, and that there was a large age difference (we’re five years apart.) As he was driving me home I told him that I didn’t want him to think that I was hurt or anything, and he said that I had made it pretty clear to him that I didn’t want a relationship with him, I retorted that I really could have gone either way, but that the points he had stated earlier that night were valid. Since then, things have progressed normally…he still contacts me daily asking how I’m doing, we still hang out, and we’re constantly with each other, and throughout everything he has consistently honored my request of no longer having sex anymore. My birthday came, and he took me to dinner and a concert in the city where he didn’t let me pay for anything, and he even bought me a tiara for my birthday. Later that night he wanted me to go to his house to hang out and watch a movie, but I headed home anyways…the next morning (which was my actual birthday) I received a vase filled with pink roses from him and a note wishing me a wonderful birthday. I’m not really sure what’s going on…does he have feelings for me and want something more…or is he just being friendly? I’m really confused…please help me!
-M
M,
Duhhhh!! Of course this guy has feelings for you. He has such feelings for you that he is honoring your request of not sleeping together! Most guys in this situation would honor the girls request by not talking to the girl anymore and moving on. I have done this a few time myself!
How do I put it into words that you can understand... It's basic guy thought, "It happened once, it can happen again." That is the normal thought process so he is sticking around waiting for something to reignite because it happened once so it can happen again. The guy is giving you your space in hopes you will think, "This guy is honoring my requests, he is so sweet, maybe he is a guy I can see myself dating."
Think of it as the classic, "I have a crush on my best friend" syndrome. That is how he is towards you. The guy is obviously romantically interested in you and is just respecting your wishes to not sleep together... for right now, because that's how he is thinking. If he thought there was no chance of anything ever then he would not be doing all this stuff for you.
Bottom line is the guy is interested, he has feelings for you, he wants to be with you, however you wanna say it. THE GUY HAS A THING FOR YOU!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Distract Yourself So He Doesn't
Dear Mason:
I need some good solid advice and a truthful point of view from a male who has been there (hopefully). So here it goes.
My boyfriend and I met our sophomore year of college and sparks flew for 3 years. Here we are now on a break. It was his idea because he thinks that at 22 years old we need to see what else is out there, experience life, be single for a while, feel free etc. He thinks it would be beneficial for both of us to go and see what else is out there now and he thinks this break is the best thing for both of us in the long run. I agree and I don't agree. I miss him INCREDIBLY, it takes up my entire mind no matter what I do to move on. I have even taken his words and applied them to my life and have gone out with 2 different guys, neither really did much for me, not because I was comparing them to him but there was just no or little connection on my part. This is hands down the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I get panic attacks about him not coming back to me thinking if he ends things for good it will be the biggest mistake of his life and it will ruin mine because I believe we are meant for each other.
Anyways, I know he misses me and misses us because he told me. I haven't contacted him at all because I know it would be wrong to contact him. But he has emailed me and texted me a few times to see how I am doing and he has spoken to my friends to get advice on whether they think he did the wrong thing or not, so CLEARLY he is confused. I mean I know he is confused because his words are "I'm enjoying being single at the moment, I can see the allure in it but to make things complicated I miss us as a couple and I miss you."
Now I don't know what to do with myself. I am REALLY trying to move on without him (assuming he isn't going to come back). Oh and one more thing, he put a time frame on this. He wants to re-evaluate things in October to see where we are both at. I am not counting on anything and am really trying to forget about him but I still check his facebook, I look at old e-mails (he told me he does too) etc. So it's hard plus I am waiting to start my new job so I have a lot of down time so I think a lot.
Now from my perspective I don't think a serious relationship is what I need right now. I'm starting a new job, looking at grad schools (and we are both recent graduates so that adds to the mix of everything being new so maybe he thinks he needs to start fresh or something). But I do miss him in my life as my best friend, my boyfriend etc. I would be willing to take things slow with him (like not jump right back into a relationship but just go out and not have a set day to see each other every week, but just play it by ear, day by day kinda thing).
This is so incredibly hard for me. It feels like I am just stuck, waiting. But I really am trying to get on with my life while he figures out stuff. I really think he would be throwing away something really really special because what we have is amazing and he just wants to see if the grass is greener pretty much.
What do you think of all this? Could he come back?
Thanks for your help
L
L,
This could go both ways. He could get a taste of the single life that he hasn't had for 3 years and then go wild with the boys and enjoy being single, or he will realize that a relationship was the way to go and be back in a second. It really is hard to tell when he put a time limit on it.
It is good that you are keeping from talking to him but what you need are distractions. Distractions will keep your mind off of him and also help you let loose a little bit too. Go dancing with your girlfriends, flirt with boys (you don't need to do anything but flirting is always fun), go away for the weekend, find a hobby, do whatever it is that you want to do that a relationship wouldn't allow you to do.
After 3 years of being in a serious relationship, especially at your age, you identify a lot of who you are with that relationship. Don't focus on the break being a bad thing because it is not. You should be using this time as time for yourself to find out more about you. You have been in a relationship for 3 years that being single is kind of a shock. Now you have no one to check in with, no one to call when you wake up, no one to call before you go to bed, no one to be lazy with, you are single and only have to worry and care for yourself right now. Use the time productively and find out who you are and what you have to offer. Experience new things because you may never have the chance again.
I am not saying to go out and get wild with boys but use this time to find yourself and meet new people and flirt with new boys. Use this time as a learning experience, you may end up finding out that you are missing out on something that you never knew.
The more you have fun and enjoy yourself on this 'break', the more your boyfriend will want to be with you. Don't mope around, go out there and have fun. Distractions, distractions, distractions!!
I need some good solid advice and a truthful point of view from a male who has been there (hopefully). So here it goes.
My boyfriend and I met our sophomore year of college and sparks flew for 3 years. Here we are now on a break. It was his idea because he thinks that at 22 years old we need to see what else is out there, experience life, be single for a while, feel free etc. He thinks it would be beneficial for both of us to go and see what else is out there now and he thinks this break is the best thing for both of us in the long run. I agree and I don't agree. I miss him INCREDIBLY, it takes up my entire mind no matter what I do to move on. I have even taken his words and applied them to my life and have gone out with 2 different guys, neither really did much for me, not because I was comparing them to him but there was just no or little connection on my part. This is hands down the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I get panic attacks about him not coming back to me thinking if he ends things for good it will be the biggest mistake of his life and it will ruin mine because I believe we are meant for each other.
Anyways, I know he misses me and misses us because he told me. I haven't contacted him at all because I know it would be wrong to contact him. But he has emailed me and texted me a few times to see how I am doing and he has spoken to my friends to get advice on whether they think he did the wrong thing or not, so CLEARLY he is confused. I mean I know he is confused because his words are "I'm enjoying being single at the moment, I can see the allure in it but to make things complicated I miss us as a couple and I miss you."
Now I don't know what to do with myself. I am REALLY trying to move on without him (assuming he isn't going to come back). Oh and one more thing, he put a time frame on this. He wants to re-evaluate things in October to see where we are both at. I am not counting on anything and am really trying to forget about him but I still check his facebook, I look at old e-mails (he told me he does too) etc. So it's hard plus I am waiting to start my new job so I have a lot of down time so I think a lot.
Now from my perspective I don't think a serious relationship is what I need right now. I'm starting a new job, looking at grad schools (and we are both recent graduates so that adds to the mix of everything being new so maybe he thinks he needs to start fresh or something). But I do miss him in my life as my best friend, my boyfriend etc. I would be willing to take things slow with him (like not jump right back into a relationship but just go out and not have a set day to see each other every week, but just play it by ear, day by day kinda thing).
This is so incredibly hard for me. It feels like I am just stuck, waiting. But I really am trying to get on with my life while he figures out stuff. I really think he would be throwing away something really really special because what we have is amazing and he just wants to see if the grass is greener pretty much.
What do you think of all this? Could he come back?
Thanks for your help
L
L,
This could go both ways. He could get a taste of the single life that he hasn't had for 3 years and then go wild with the boys and enjoy being single, or he will realize that a relationship was the way to go and be back in a second. It really is hard to tell when he put a time limit on it.
It is good that you are keeping from talking to him but what you need are distractions. Distractions will keep your mind off of him and also help you let loose a little bit too. Go dancing with your girlfriends, flirt with boys (you don't need to do anything but flirting is always fun), go away for the weekend, find a hobby, do whatever it is that you want to do that a relationship wouldn't allow you to do.
After 3 years of being in a serious relationship, especially at your age, you identify a lot of who you are with that relationship. Don't focus on the break being a bad thing because it is not. You should be using this time as time for yourself to find out more about you. You have been in a relationship for 3 years that being single is kind of a shock. Now you have no one to check in with, no one to call when you wake up, no one to call before you go to bed, no one to be lazy with, you are single and only have to worry and care for yourself right now. Use the time productively and find out who you are and what you have to offer. Experience new things because you may never have the chance again.
I am not saying to go out and get wild with boys but use this time to find yourself and meet new people and flirt with new boys. Use this time as a learning experience, you may end up finding out that you are missing out on something that you never knew.
The more you have fun and enjoy yourself on this 'break', the more your boyfriend will want to be with you. Don't mope around, go out there and have fun. Distractions, distractions, distractions!!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
All The Eggs In One Basket
My story is entirely different from anything I've ever read or seen........and entirely too long to type out.
Basically, I've been in love with someone for 2 years who has been unavailable to me due to mostly reasons beyond our control....there was a time where he was my 'boss' and we were worried for his life (literally) because of the people he/we were involved with, and the amount of money at stake....through this, there were trials of trust and friendship that I can't even begin to describe...
I have poured my heart out to him twice now, and both times he told me that it wasn't the right time...that time will tell...but he can't right now...blah blah blah, yet won't let me forget about him even though I moved 2500 miles away...
I will be moving back in 6 weeks, but he doesn't know that yet.
He has taken better care of me than any other man in my life, and I care for him for all the right reasons...and through all of this, we only 'messed around' ONE time (which was when I came home for a visit last Christmas, AFTER I'd poured my heart out for the 2nd time back in October over the phone)...and we never slept together. When I lived [there], he would periodically do completely random acts of love.......or at least thats what I conceived these acts to be.....yet never tried to take advantage of me or anything of that nature.
The thing of it is, he's ruined my life! I haven't met anyone that even remotely compares to him, or that I would like to spend time with...should I just assume he will never give in and be with me and treat him as a platonic and/or business friend, or should I give it some time after I move back? He has never given me a straight answer to anything........except, "Not now".
How long is long enough to wait around for someone before making the decision for them and cutting them out of your life?
By the way, I'm 23 and he's 26.
Any advice you have would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Julie
Julie,
Just from that letter and what you said, I wouldn't be surprised if he was gay. Most likely I am completely wrong but I entertained that thought while reading your letter.
You should never wait around for someone. By waiting around you are missing so many opportunities that come by. Yes, he is always in the back of your mind but can the next guy you go on a date with be the one? You would never know because of that thought of you possibly getting with the one you are thinking about. It will just cloud your mind and help you make irrational decisions.
If a man wanted to be with a woman it would happen. "Not now", is just an excuse to prolong making a decision. If you really cared about someone you would give them a straight answer and not let them hang on the ropes waiting.
My advice is to not stress on the situation. Yes, he is a great guy. Yes, you do have feelings for him and would like to be with him but why press the issue?? How would you feel if he told you tomorrow that he didn't want to be with you. You would have spent all the time "waiting around" in vain and it would have meant nothing but you have to entertain that as a possibility as well. Basically, don't put all your eggs in one basket. If something is going to happen then it will. Pressing the issue with him won't do anything except hurt you in the long run because of all that you are missing out on waiting around.
You don't need to move on, just don't count on something that isn't a for sure thing. The more effort you put into him before you even know he shares the feelings, the more you have to lose. Be careful and keep that on the back burner and entertain other options now.
Basically, I've been in love with someone for 2 years who has been unavailable to me due to mostly reasons beyond our control....there was a time where he was my 'boss' and we were worried for his life (literally) because of the people he/we were involved with, and the amount of money at stake....through this, there were trials of trust and friendship that I can't even begin to describe...
I have poured my heart out to him twice now, and both times he told me that it wasn't the right time...that time will tell...but he can't right now...blah blah blah, yet won't let me forget about him even though I moved 2500 miles away...
I will be moving back in 6 weeks, but he doesn't know that yet.
He has taken better care of me than any other man in my life, and I care for him for all the right reasons...and through all of this, we only 'messed around' ONE time (which was when I came home for a visit last Christmas, AFTER I'd poured my heart out for the 2nd time back in October over the phone)...and we never slept together. When I lived [there], he would periodically do completely random acts of love.......or at least thats what I conceived these acts to be.....yet never tried to take advantage of me or anything of that nature.
The thing of it is, he's ruined my life! I haven't met anyone that even remotely compares to him, or that I would like to spend time with...should I just assume he will never give in and be with me and treat him as a platonic and/or business friend, or should I give it some time after I move back? He has never given me a straight answer to anything........except, "Not now".
How long is long enough to wait around for someone before making the decision for them and cutting them out of your life?
By the way, I'm 23 and he's 26.
Any advice you have would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Julie
Julie,
Just from that letter and what you said, I wouldn't be surprised if he was gay. Most likely I am completely wrong but I entertained that thought while reading your letter.
You should never wait around for someone. By waiting around you are missing so many opportunities that come by. Yes, he is always in the back of your mind but can the next guy you go on a date with be the one? You would never know because of that thought of you possibly getting with the one you are thinking about. It will just cloud your mind and help you make irrational decisions.
If a man wanted to be with a woman it would happen. "Not now", is just an excuse to prolong making a decision. If you really cared about someone you would give them a straight answer and not let them hang on the ropes waiting.
My advice is to not stress on the situation. Yes, he is a great guy. Yes, you do have feelings for him and would like to be with him but why press the issue?? How would you feel if he told you tomorrow that he didn't want to be with you. You would have spent all the time "waiting around" in vain and it would have meant nothing but you have to entertain that as a possibility as well. Basically, don't put all your eggs in one basket. If something is going to happen then it will. Pressing the issue with him won't do anything except hurt you in the long run because of all that you are missing out on waiting around.
You don't need to move on, just don't count on something that isn't a for sure thing. The more effort you put into him before you even know he shares the feelings, the more you have to lose. Be careful and keep that on the back burner and entertain other options now.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Shy Guy?
Ok, for the most part I get when a guy gives up and isn't interested anymore and I just let it go too but I have a new situation. I met a cool guy that is just like me (except shy) on the internet which was a first for both of us and we got along well. We talked a lot and we were both naturally nice to each other. We met in person for the first time to check each other out and after about eight hours of him being totally nervous around me (in a cute way) we ended up having sex. He got sort of distant but we were still talking. I asked him what he thought about meeting me in person with no intention of talking about a relationship but HE thought that is what I was doing and after like two days of talking about it he said we should chill, ok so I think it won't go anywhere....right? Well I am pretty outgoing and we get along really well so we are still friendly so if I text or e-mail he texts or emails right back and treats me the same minus the initiation like before. I don't get it. Are guys realy that shy or scared easily that he would need two weeks or so to recover from a brief encounter with someone that he was totally into the week before? He is freind material but even better boyfriend material....should I trust my instincts and let him recover or is he not interested?
Thanks
-L
L,
It sounds like it was the thrill of the chase that got him attracted in the first place. Internet meetings are a little bit different than meeting someone in person initially. When you meet someone on the internet you get a false sense of security about knowing the person when you meet them. In reality, you only know what the person wants you to know about them.
You never really got to know the guy before you had sex with him, or should I say it sounds like the guy never really got to know you before he had sex with you. I have had sex with girls before I have really gotten to know them and after it becomes debatable if I want to get to know them. It is almost as if the guy isn't interested anymore because he has already gotten what he wanted even if he didn't know he wanted it.
He is returning your emails and texts without initiating them which is probably because he doesn't have the heart to tell you he isn't interested OR he is keeping you on the back burner until he is ready to bring you to the front again. He would be answering to keep you hooked because nothing is more awkward than that call 3 months down the road after no communication.
You need to contact him and initiate something if he is not going to and if he starts making excuses or is always busy then drop him. Excuses are to get out of something you don't want to do and when you start hearing them then stop wasting your time. When you do get together with him then take things slow, give him a little but not a lot. Make him chase you.
Thanks
-L
L,
It sounds like it was the thrill of the chase that got him attracted in the first place. Internet meetings are a little bit different than meeting someone in person initially. When you meet someone on the internet you get a false sense of security about knowing the person when you meet them. In reality, you only know what the person wants you to know about them.
You never really got to know the guy before you had sex with him, or should I say it sounds like the guy never really got to know you before he had sex with you. I have had sex with girls before I have really gotten to know them and after it becomes debatable if I want to get to know them. It is almost as if the guy isn't interested anymore because he has already gotten what he wanted even if he didn't know he wanted it.
He is returning your emails and texts without initiating them which is probably because he doesn't have the heart to tell you he isn't interested OR he is keeping you on the back burner until he is ready to bring you to the front again. He would be answering to keep you hooked because nothing is more awkward than that call 3 months down the road after no communication.
You need to contact him and initiate something if he is not going to and if he starts making excuses or is always busy then drop him. Excuses are to get out of something you don't want to do and when you start hearing them then stop wasting your time. When you do get together with him then take things slow, give him a little but not a lot. Make him chase you.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Booty Calls: Not Just For 1 Night Stands
Hey there,
I am in need of dire help… There’s this guy that I’ve been friends with for the last couple of months. We went to a concert a couple of times, and he constantly called me to hang out and do things with him, but I wasn’t really interested. Then one crazy night I was with him and got drunk and slept with him. He called me the next day to make sure that I was okay, and he talked to my best friend to make sure that I was okay…and I was. Soon after, we made it a habit to sleep together, even though I told him that I made it pretty clear I didn’t want a relationship and we were just having sex. Lately though, I’ve realized I’ve begun to fall for him, and I’m not sure how he feels about me. I know he cares about me a lot as a friend, and we’re constantly with each other outside of the bed, and he calls me and texts me all the time just to talk and hang out with me, sex not included. He’s even asked me a couple times what’s going on between us, and he told me he just wants me to be happy. When we’re having sex he’s very emotional and caring, constantly asking me if I’m okay and enjoying myself…but a couple nights ago he sent me a booty call via text messaging (come over. I’ll do things to you), to which I didn’t respond. When we spoke about it later, he was shocked to find out that none of my ex-boyfriends had ever sent me booty calls. Does he not have feelings for me like I thought he did, and would it be disastrous to talk to him about a relationship? Please help me! I’m desperate for some answers!
m
M,
Just because a guy booty calls you, doesn't mean that he doesn't have feelings for you. It just means he wants some booty. You can want a relationship with someone and also want some booty too. It is completely normal. I atually find it kind of weird that none of your ex's have ever given you a booty call.
Booty calls are one of the perks of a relationship. When you don't go out with your boyfriend/girlfriend then it doesn't matter what you do, where you go, or who you are with, at the end of the night you can call your boyfriend/girlfriend to come over for a night cap. That's almost what it sounds like hew as doing. It would not be disastrous at all if you talked to him about a relationship. From all the things you said, it sounds like he would jump at any form of relationship.
Communication is key! Instead of sitting around and waiting to see what he does, you should be talking to him. Find out how he feels about a relationship and come to an agreement. Date exclusively, make him your boyfriend, make him your hump buddy, whatever it is there is always a common ground that two people can agree upon.
Just because he sends you a booty call, doesn't mean that he doesn't want a relationship...
I am in need of dire help… There’s this guy that I’ve been friends with for the last couple of months. We went to a concert a couple of times, and he constantly called me to hang out and do things with him, but I wasn’t really interested. Then one crazy night I was with him and got drunk and slept with him. He called me the next day to make sure that I was okay, and he talked to my best friend to make sure that I was okay…and I was. Soon after, we made it a habit to sleep together, even though I told him that I made it pretty clear I didn’t want a relationship and we were just having sex. Lately though, I’ve realized I’ve begun to fall for him, and I’m not sure how he feels about me. I know he cares about me a lot as a friend, and we’re constantly with each other outside of the bed, and he calls me and texts me all the time just to talk and hang out with me, sex not included. He’s even asked me a couple times what’s going on between us, and he told me he just wants me to be happy. When we’re having sex he’s very emotional and caring, constantly asking me if I’m okay and enjoying myself…but a couple nights ago he sent me a booty call via text messaging (come over. I’ll do things to you), to which I didn’t respond. When we spoke about it later, he was shocked to find out that none of my ex-boyfriends had ever sent me booty calls. Does he not have feelings for me like I thought he did, and would it be disastrous to talk to him about a relationship? Please help me! I’m desperate for some answers!
m
M,
Just because a guy booty calls you, doesn't mean that he doesn't have feelings for you. It just means he wants some booty. You can want a relationship with someone and also want some booty too. It is completely normal. I atually find it kind of weird that none of your ex's have ever given you a booty call.
Booty calls are one of the perks of a relationship. When you don't go out with your boyfriend/girlfriend then it doesn't matter what you do, where you go, or who you are with, at the end of the night you can call your boyfriend/girlfriend to come over for a night cap. That's almost what it sounds like hew as doing. It would not be disastrous at all if you talked to him about a relationship. From all the things you said, it sounds like he would jump at any form of relationship.
Communication is key! Instead of sitting around and waiting to see what he does, you should be talking to him. Find out how he feels about a relationship and come to an agreement. Date exclusively, make him your boyfriend, make him your hump buddy, whatever it is there is always a common ground that two people can agree upon.
Just because he sends you a booty call, doesn't mean that he doesn't want a relationship...
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Marriage Is An Institution
Hey Everyone!!!
I know this is out of character of this blog but I thought I would give it a try since I know I have quite a few female readers. I received the following email from a guy and instead of me answering it, I decided to throw it to you people. Answer in the comments or write me an email and I will post it. I'll have my response next week. Let the advising begin!
I am guy though who is in a jam and I think I need the 'female version' of your site. Been seeing a married woman. we were into each other for a few months. then it went platonic for 3 months. then out of nowhere for her birthday we meet and have our way with each other. what does this mean.?
-T
I know this is out of character of this blog but I thought I would give it a try since I know I have quite a few female readers. I received the following email from a guy and instead of me answering it, I decided to throw it to you people. Answer in the comments or write me an email and I will post it. I'll have my response next week. Let the advising begin!
I am guy though who is in a jam and I think I need the 'female version' of your site. Been seeing a married woman. we were into each other for a few months. then it went platonic for 3 months. then out of nowhere for her birthday we meet and have our way with each other. what does this mean.?
-T
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Confidence Is Key
I’m a 25 year old single mother of two kids. The big issue I have is that childbirth has really done a number on my tummy, specifically in the stretch mark department. Most of my friends are guys, and I’ve asked them about this, but I’m pretty sure they are trained to say “You’re beautiful, you’re perfect” as a natural response to any female loaded question(not that I blame them). I honestly want to know though: How do guys feel about a pretty, fit girl, yet with a lot of havoc in the tummy area? I feel like if an equally attractive guy goes out with me with clothes on, he’s going to be in for a shocker when we decide to take it to the next level. On the other hand, the only option to fix the scars of this severity is to get a tummy tuck, which I tend to feel awkwardly about too. So what does the average guy think about surgery scars or a tummy tuck on an otherwise (hypothetically) flawless woman?
Honestly,
A
A,
Surgery scars are just that, scars from surgery. I don't mind them at all. A scar is something someone can't control. I have a horrible scar where I had a cyst removed from my tailbone but I know that I can't do anything with it and I am comfortable with my body enough to not let it affect me. The point is, it's not the scars that are the issue, it's you being comfortable with your body to not be self conscious about the scars.
Have you ever gone to the pool and seen an overweight guy wearing a shirt in the pool? We all know he is wearing it because he is self conscious about his body and doesn't want to take his shirt off. In turn it just broadcasts his insecurities making them worse. On the other hand, you have the over weight people that don't mind taking their shirts off and dive right into the pool. Those are the people you don't think twice about. They have come to terms with themselves and are confident in their own skin.
You are getting self conscious about what guys will think. Confidence is sexy in a woman, regardless of stretch marks. You should do what you want to about the stretch marks to make yourself feel comfortable in your own skin. How can anyone learn to love you and your body if you can't first? If you think your confidence would boost with a tummy tuck then do that. The key is that you are confident in your own skin and once you start exuding that then the stretch marks won't matter.
Of course there are going to be guys who don't like them but then again, those are the guys that aren't interested in you.
Honestly,
A
A,
Surgery scars are just that, scars from surgery. I don't mind them at all. A scar is something someone can't control. I have a horrible scar where I had a cyst removed from my tailbone but I know that I can't do anything with it and I am comfortable with my body enough to not let it affect me. The point is, it's not the scars that are the issue, it's you being comfortable with your body to not be self conscious about the scars.
Have you ever gone to the pool and seen an overweight guy wearing a shirt in the pool? We all know he is wearing it because he is self conscious about his body and doesn't want to take his shirt off. In turn it just broadcasts his insecurities making them worse. On the other hand, you have the over weight people that don't mind taking their shirts off and dive right into the pool. Those are the people you don't think twice about. They have come to terms with themselves and are confident in their own skin.
You are getting self conscious about what guys will think. Confidence is sexy in a woman, regardless of stretch marks. You should do what you want to about the stretch marks to make yourself feel comfortable in your own skin. How can anyone learn to love you and your body if you can't first? If you think your confidence would boost with a tummy tuck then do that. The key is that you are confident in your own skin and once you start exuding that then the stretch marks won't matter.
Of course there are going to be guys who don't like them but then again, those are the guys that aren't interested in you.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Don't Take My Independence
Dear Mason,
I have been dating a guy for 2-1/2 years. I am currently finishing college and I am making plans to go to grad school. He had a messy divorce about five years ago and still owns the house that he hates and has wanted to sell ever since. In the first year of our relationship, he repeatedly told me that he "wanted to build a life together" and we discussed, planned, and almost signed a lease for an apartment in an attempt to move closer to my school so we could live together. This fell through due to financial reasons. I told him that I couldn't keep things the same (living in two places that were 45 minutes apart from each other) and, reluctantly, he agreed to me moving in with him a few months ago.
Since moving in, any work that I try to do on the house to get it closer to selling is met with resistance. I believe he is starting to distance himself somewhat from me. Basically, I am just getting lots of gut feelings that things are just not right. On the surface, things seem fine except when we discuss selling the house, moving, etc. Then, in recent discussions, he has started to make vague statements that seem to indicate that he is no longer thinking of this as a long-term "build a life together" relationship. It seems like whenever I express conflict about what I need in terms of knowing in advance where I will be living in a year, he gets angry and hostile and wants to make sure that I know that this is "his house." Anyway - I told him the other night that, due to all of the animosity about waiting to sell the house, I would not be considering location in applying to grad schools. He seemed both surprised, happy, and nervous about this.
My question is two-part. First, you often mention the little signs that women miss that indicate a man is distancing himself... can you elaborate on what these are? Second, should I continue in this relationship which is generally great - except for the conflicting paths of the house and school - until I see where I am accepted for school? Finally, with some of the clues that I am getting, it seems that he just wants a partner who doesn't want marriage, who doesn't conflict with his financial decisions, and basically wants a girlfriend but not the pressure of someone who you make life decisions with... would you agree?
J
J,
All guys are different in showing the signs that they are distancing themselves. A lot of the times women don't pick up on these signs because they are too busy making excuses for the behavior. A major red flag is when the guy starts choosing other interests over the relationship. I am talking about interests that he used to put second to the relationship in the past that he now doesn't. These interests can be anything. They can be drinking, going out with friends, a hobby, a sport, anything that he used put the relationship in front of that he now treats as more important to the relationship. Women ignore the sign and make excuses for that behavior.
I think you should put school in front of this relationship. You know that putting effort into school won't be wasted more than you know that about the relationship.
You are pretty much right in the clues you are getting. It almost sounds like he doesn't want to lose his independence and with you helping with all the house stuff it's almost like you are taking something away from him. It could never hurt to talk to him about some of this stuff as well and see his perspective on the issue. Things become a lot more clear when you are able to sit down and talk about both sides.
I have been dating a guy for 2-1/2 years. I am currently finishing college and I am making plans to go to grad school. He had a messy divorce about five years ago and still owns the house that he hates and has wanted to sell ever since. In the first year of our relationship, he repeatedly told me that he "wanted to build a life together" and we discussed, planned, and almost signed a lease for an apartment in an attempt to move closer to my school so we could live together. This fell through due to financial reasons. I told him that I couldn't keep things the same (living in two places that were 45 minutes apart from each other) and, reluctantly, he agreed to me moving in with him a few months ago.
Since moving in, any work that I try to do on the house to get it closer to selling is met with resistance. I believe he is starting to distance himself somewhat from me. Basically, I am just getting lots of gut feelings that things are just not right. On the surface, things seem fine except when we discuss selling the house, moving, etc. Then, in recent discussions, he has started to make vague statements that seem to indicate that he is no longer thinking of this as a long-term "build a life together" relationship. It seems like whenever I express conflict about what I need in terms of knowing in advance where I will be living in a year, he gets angry and hostile and wants to make sure that I know that this is "his house." Anyway - I told him the other night that, due to all of the animosity about waiting to sell the house, I would not be considering location in applying to grad schools. He seemed both surprised, happy, and nervous about this.
My question is two-part. First, you often mention the little signs that women miss that indicate a man is distancing himself... can you elaborate on what these are? Second, should I continue in this relationship which is generally great - except for the conflicting paths of the house and school - until I see where I am accepted for school? Finally, with some of the clues that I am getting, it seems that he just wants a partner who doesn't want marriage, who doesn't conflict with his financial decisions, and basically wants a girlfriend but not the pressure of someone who you make life decisions with... would you agree?
J
J,
All guys are different in showing the signs that they are distancing themselves. A lot of the times women don't pick up on these signs because they are too busy making excuses for the behavior. A major red flag is when the guy starts choosing other interests over the relationship. I am talking about interests that he used to put second to the relationship in the past that he now doesn't. These interests can be anything. They can be drinking, going out with friends, a hobby, a sport, anything that he used put the relationship in front of that he now treats as more important to the relationship. Women ignore the sign and make excuses for that behavior.
I think you should put school in front of this relationship. You know that putting effort into school won't be wasted more than you know that about the relationship.
You are pretty much right in the clues you are getting. It almost sounds like he doesn't want to lose his independence and with you helping with all the house stuff it's almost like you are taking something away from him. It could never hurt to talk to him about some of this stuff as well and see his perspective on the issue. Things become a lot more clear when you are able to sit down and talk about both sides.
Why Buy The Cow When The Milk Is Free? Pt.2
In reference to "Why Buy the Cow When the Milk is Free"
Ok. So i think im done with this one. Should i be? I've text him twice now in a matter of 4 or 5 days and no response. I'm not really sweating it to bad, it just one of those things that sucks. He is a really nice guy and i like him. Like you said, i guess he's just not interested. Don't really know if its me or just his position in life right now. I wish i could get inside his head and find out why! lol. I dont want to scare him away. So texting him is out of the question. Or should i? I figure id see if he'd come to me, but it doesn't seem to be happening. It's only been about a week which is the norm, sooo i dont know. The last time might have been the last. No closure. Just done. :( This really is a brain teaser. You can always have the ones you dont want, and the ones you do want? KEEP DREAMIN! What do i do!! Ik. Ik.
k
K,
Ya, I have had a couple girls like that. I just get over them. The fun is over so I stop responding. It has nothing to do with you, per say. It may have been too much of you too fast, or the fact that you aren't the new girl anymore. Either way, it sounds like he is just over it. You really do just need to move on, what kind of 'how we met' story starts with, "Well we hooked up a couple times and then he wouldn't return my calls or texts, so I kept being persistent and then when he had no other option he started responding and 2 weeks later we hung out."
There is just no base for anything than the hook ups you have been having and it would be super hard to try to build one now. You should move on and if you think you may like a guy then TAKE IT SLOW. I cannot stress that enough. The faster you move, the more the guys sees you as 'just another girl' and will brush you off as one.
In regards to, "Why can you have the ones you don't want and can't have the ones you do?". The ones you don't want you don't show interest in. You kind of brush them off which sparks something in them. Now they want what they can't have, as most people do. It's unwillingly using the cat string theory. With the ones you do want then you are expressing way to much interest too fast which is always a turn off when you know someone is more into you than you are into them.
Ok. So i think im done with this one. Should i be? I've text him twice now in a matter of 4 or 5 days and no response. I'm not really sweating it to bad, it just one of those things that sucks. He is a really nice guy and i like him. Like you said, i guess he's just not interested. Don't really know if its me or just his position in life right now. I wish i could get inside his head and find out why! lol. I dont want to scare him away. So texting him is out of the question. Or should i? I figure id see if he'd come to me, but it doesn't seem to be happening. It's only been about a week which is the norm, sooo i dont know. The last time might have been the last. No closure. Just done. :( This really is a brain teaser. You can always have the ones you dont want, and the ones you do want? KEEP DREAMIN! What do i do!! Ik. Ik.
k
K,
Ya, I have had a couple girls like that. I just get over them. The fun is over so I stop responding. It has nothing to do with you, per say. It may have been too much of you too fast, or the fact that you aren't the new girl anymore. Either way, it sounds like he is just over it. You really do just need to move on, what kind of 'how we met' story starts with, "Well we hooked up a couple times and then he wouldn't return my calls or texts, so I kept being persistent and then when he had no other option he started responding and 2 weeks later we hung out."
There is just no base for anything than the hook ups you have been having and it would be super hard to try to build one now. You should move on and if you think you may like a guy then TAKE IT SLOW. I cannot stress that enough. The faster you move, the more the guys sees you as 'just another girl' and will brush you off as one.
In regards to, "Why can you have the ones you don't want and can't have the ones you do?". The ones you don't want you don't show interest in. You kind of brush them off which sparks something in them. Now they want what they can't have, as most people do. It's unwillingly using the cat string theory. With the ones you do want then you are expressing way to much interest too fast which is always a turn off when you know someone is more into you than you are into them.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Why Buy The Cow When The Milk Is Free?
I met someone at a bar. lol. Yea i know. Thats probably my first problem. Anyways. His name is corey. We have done the dirty 4 times now, well met up 4 times, and its really good. We dont talk to much during the week. Here and there. But i do most of the initiating. He has once. When we do talk its very short, but he does respond. SOMETIMES not though. I am currently not just talking to one guy, not really with anyone (commited). Just having fun. The thing is, is that i am starting to think of stupid things to say to him in text messages and asking to hang out more than usual. Its not working. I think the whole FUN thing is coming to an end. He doesn't necessarily respond either. Like i said. SOMETIMES. When we are together. We drink some beers down at his boat, ive met some of his family members and friends and when its just me and him we can talk and have long conversations. The conversations are about past relationships, what happend, life, him playing his guitar, pretty much a little bit of everything. Have sex, and fall asleep on the boat. He is a busy person and likes it that way. Understandable. Money is a virtue. He also has said that he is not wanting a relationship because of it. We've all heard that one. My question is... what do i do. My instincts tell me that he is not interested in me in any other way. Its not like he goes out of his way to hang out or message me. He acts very respectful when i am with him and we do have good times. Im the one that told him that its nice to have someone that i can do this with and not have drama or strings attatched. Great! I did it now! Dumb ass!!! lol. What do i do!!!! Is he interested? I think about what i would say or do to get a reaction or response and all i picture him doing is cutting me offf!!!! lol. I dont know. You tell me. Dont really know what to do or think.
K
K,
Well you pretty much nailed this one right on the head. This sounds like a classic, "He's just not THAT into you" situation. Of course he is welcoming when you call to hang out and come around because that means he doesn't have to do any of the work. I have friends like that right now. Girls I don't see any future with and that I don't call but when they call me to hang out I know what it's about and if it is convenient for me then we will hang out.
You kind of dug your own grave by telling him that you enjoyed the no strings attached relationship that you have with him. A lot of guys would love a relationship like that. You guys hang out, hook up and everyone is happy.
Now, if he is interested or not? Well why buy the cow when he is getting the milk for free? It sounds like he is interested in one thing and that is continuing the relationship you have right now. The no strings attached friends with benefits relationship. I am pretty sure that if you ask him where the relationship is going or what he wants out of it then it will only scare him away.
My advice is to have fun with him but don't expect too much out of him.
K
K,
Well you pretty much nailed this one right on the head. This sounds like a classic, "He's just not THAT into you" situation. Of course he is welcoming when you call to hang out and come around because that means he doesn't have to do any of the work. I have friends like that right now. Girls I don't see any future with and that I don't call but when they call me to hang out I know what it's about and if it is convenient for me then we will hang out.
You kind of dug your own grave by telling him that you enjoyed the no strings attached relationship that you have with him. A lot of guys would love a relationship like that. You guys hang out, hook up and everyone is happy.
Now, if he is interested or not? Well why buy the cow when he is getting the milk for free? It sounds like he is interested in one thing and that is continuing the relationship you have right now. The no strings attached friends with benefits relationship. I am pretty sure that if you ask him where the relationship is going or what he wants out of it then it will only scare him away.
My advice is to have fun with him but don't expect too much out of him.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
What About The Ex?
I need one more piece of advice *sigh*
update:
I talked to my bf today about giving me some space. It was hard to convince him but he finally gave in. He said he will give me some space, but it can't be for more than a day.sucks,I know.
new problem:
I keep in contact with my ex's. Not every day basis but once every month or so. We sort of just keep each other updated or talk about random things. The point is, my bf hates it. He does not like me talking to them because he is afraid that i will start liking them again. How insecure is that!? plus, he does not trust me, which is weird cuz i have never cheated on him. The only reason why he does not trust me is cuz i lied to him and that is the biggest no no for him.
For about 5 months or so, he has asked me to stop talking to them and i kept refusing due to the fact that i see nothing wrong with it. He does not keep in contact with his ex's but i wouldn't even care; I believe that jealousy is the worst characteristic anyone could have. We had a huge argument last night about this and he asked me one more time to stop talking to them. He even said that this was a simple request and not a big deal,but i thought differently. He was asking me to lose contact with 3 friends i have known for years due to his insecurities.
so what did i do?
i took his offer and switched it up a bit
I could not call,text,hang out with,or look for them BUT if they were the ones who initiated anything from the above,i could reply.
He agreed and we left it as that.
is that mean? or is that another act of my selfishness? the reason why i did that is cuz i am so scared that in the future he will tell me about other ppl i cannot talk to or hang out with. What do you think? bad decision or should of handled it differently.
R
R,
Talking to ex's actually becomes an issue in a lot of relationships. You need to understand why he doesn't want you talking to your ex's, not just the fact that he doesn't want it happening. He says it's because he thinks you will fall for them all over again which may be true but there is more involved when a guy doesn't want his girlfriend talking to her ex. The jealousy that you are talking about isn't necessarily the same jealousy he would feel if he saw you flirting with another guy. This is completely different. It is the jealousy of knowing that your ex was with you before him. The fact that you have shared intimacy, emotions and all the other stuff that comes with a relationship with him. That is the part that hurts and that is why he doesn't want to think about you talking to your ex's. Every time your boyfriend hears that you are talking to your ex it just reminds him of other guys you have been with and that is never a good thing for a guy to be thinking about.
My ex and I used to fight about this all the time. What made me upset about it wasn't that I thought she was going to go and cheat or something. It was the fact that the guys she was talking to were still attracted to her. I knew it and she knew it and that was the problem.
My whole theory was that en ex is an ex for a reason. It means no exceptions. If you and your ex want to be best friends then why aren't you still together? It just doesn't make sense and trying to figure out why my ex wanted to keep in touch with her ex fiance that lived in a different country wasn't easy.
In all fairness, you aren't being selfish but a relationship is about compromise and you should come to an agreement. One of the hardest things to do in a relationship is to see things from your partner's point of view. You need to be able to do this to see how he feels and how you are making him feel by talking to your ex's. He probably feels that your ex's are still attracted to you and that may be what the underlying issue is. You need talk to him and help him realize that you are with him and no matter who is attracted to you, it sucks for them because you are with him. Jealousy stems from insecurities but if you reinforce your feelings for him then you can help make him secure with himself and your relationship which, in turn, would make some of the jealousy go away. That is a lot easier said than done.
Remember, a relationship isn't 50/50 it's 100/100 and both of you have to give your all, understand each other, and compromise to make it work.
update:
I talked to my bf today about giving me some space. It was hard to convince him but he finally gave in. He said he will give me some space, but it can't be for more than a day.sucks,I know.
new problem:
I keep in contact with my ex's. Not every day basis but once every month or so. We sort of just keep each other updated or talk about random things. The point is, my bf hates it. He does not like me talking to them because he is afraid that i will start liking them again. How insecure is that!? plus, he does not trust me, which is weird cuz i have never cheated on him. The only reason why he does not trust me is cuz i lied to him and that is the biggest no no for him.
For about 5 months or so, he has asked me to stop talking to them and i kept refusing due to the fact that i see nothing wrong with it. He does not keep in contact with his ex's but i wouldn't even care; I believe that jealousy is the worst characteristic anyone could have. We had a huge argument last night about this and he asked me one more time to stop talking to them. He even said that this was a simple request and not a big deal,but i thought differently. He was asking me to lose contact with 3 friends i have known for years due to his insecurities.
so what did i do?
i took his offer and switched it up a bit
I could not call,text,hang out with,or look for them BUT if they were the ones who initiated anything from the above,i could reply.
He agreed and we left it as that.
is that mean? or is that another act of my selfishness? the reason why i did that is cuz i am so scared that in the future he will tell me about other ppl i cannot talk to or hang out with. What do you think? bad decision or should of handled it differently.
R
R,
Talking to ex's actually becomes an issue in a lot of relationships. You need to understand why he doesn't want you talking to your ex's, not just the fact that he doesn't want it happening. He says it's because he thinks you will fall for them all over again which may be true but there is more involved when a guy doesn't want his girlfriend talking to her ex. The jealousy that you are talking about isn't necessarily the same jealousy he would feel if he saw you flirting with another guy. This is completely different. It is the jealousy of knowing that your ex was with you before him. The fact that you have shared intimacy, emotions and all the other stuff that comes with a relationship with him. That is the part that hurts and that is why he doesn't want to think about you talking to your ex's. Every time your boyfriend hears that you are talking to your ex it just reminds him of other guys you have been with and that is never a good thing for a guy to be thinking about.
My ex and I used to fight about this all the time. What made me upset about it wasn't that I thought she was going to go and cheat or something. It was the fact that the guys she was talking to were still attracted to her. I knew it and she knew it and that was the problem.
My whole theory was that en ex is an ex for a reason. It means no exceptions. If you and your ex want to be best friends then why aren't you still together? It just doesn't make sense and trying to figure out why my ex wanted to keep in touch with her ex fiance that lived in a different country wasn't easy.
In all fairness, you aren't being selfish but a relationship is about compromise and you should come to an agreement. One of the hardest things to do in a relationship is to see things from your partner's point of view. You need to be able to do this to see how he feels and how you are making him feel by talking to your ex's. He probably feels that your ex's are still attracted to you and that may be what the underlying issue is. You need talk to him and help him realize that you are with him and no matter who is attracted to you, it sucks for them because you are with him. Jealousy stems from insecurities but if you reinforce your feelings for him then you can help make him secure with himself and your relationship which, in turn, would make some of the jealousy go away. That is a lot easier said than done.
Remember, a relationship isn't 50/50 it's 100/100 and both of you have to give your all, understand each other, and compromise to make it work.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
One Of The Boys
My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and I really care about him but sometimes I wish he would give me some space! He is an amazing person and i love hanging out with him but I am one of those people that needs to be alone for a day or two. Not in a very depressing way, but more as to gather my thoughts and get away from all the drama. He hates it when i ask for some space because we don't get to see each other very often as it is; I am only here for the summer and will be going back to school in sept(300 miles away). I sometimes feel like the man in the relationship! Here are some examples that support my theory: forget his bday (I remember it now..),tell him to hang out with his buddies and drink or go to the strip club, i get along with all of his friends, he cries more than i do, do not like roses (I want my bf to think outside the box), and valentine's day is too cliche for me (last vday, I wanted to order pizza and drink while he wanted to do the whole dinner and movie thing).
It is very cute when he does this, but it is not something I would go all dubby wubby about. My friends say that I am an ungrateful, selfish and stupid girl because there are people who want to find a guy who would do these things for them and i'm just like w/e...
From the blogs I have read, it seems like you have a lot of lady friends. So have you met anyone that thinks somewhat like me?
I bet you think i'm weird? or better yet...an ungrateful, selfish, and stupid girl?
FYI
I do like him very much
R
R,
First of all, you are not weird, ungrateful, selfish or stupid. You sound like the perfect catch to me and yes I do know girls like you. The girls I know like you are the girls that are able to hang out with me and the boys without feeling out of place. They can jump right in with the boys and not feel left out or alienated at all. Kerri is exactly like that. If she is hanging out, she is most likely the only girl in the group. This is never a bad thing.
What you need to do is sit your boyfriend down and talk to him about this. The guy likes you a lot and should understand what you are saying if you are sincere about it. I know the type of guy you are talking about and you can't just say, "Give me space" because he will take it as a personal blow. You need to explain why. You need to reassure him that it's not because of him and that you do care for him but you also value your alone time. My ex was like this and it took her 3 months to slightly understand why I would want to sit at home alone or go out alone and not hang out with her.
It may take a little bit of work but you need to sit him down and explain all the things he thinks is weird. Don't just tell him that he should go get drunk and go to a strip club with the boys. Explain to him why and reassure the fact that you still care for him as well. You need him to relate to the reasons that you need space, or want him to hang out with his buddies, or why you don't like roses. You need him to reassure him that it isn't because you like him any less, it's because that is you. Once he understands why you want space or want him to go to a strip club with the boys then he should start appreciating you for the awesome girlfriend you are.
Don't listen to what your girlfriends say about you being ungrateful, I bet some of your man's friends say the same thing to him regarding you. I know a lot of guys that would love to date a girl like you.
It is very cute when he does this, but it is not something I would go all dubby wubby about. My friends say that I am an ungrateful, selfish and stupid girl because there are people who want to find a guy who would do these things for them and i'm just like w/e...
From the blogs I have read, it seems like you have a lot of lady friends. So have you met anyone that thinks somewhat like me?
I bet you think i'm weird? or better yet...an ungrateful, selfish, and stupid girl?
FYI
I do like him very much
R
R,
First of all, you are not weird, ungrateful, selfish or stupid. You sound like the perfect catch to me and yes I do know girls like you. The girls I know like you are the girls that are able to hang out with me and the boys without feeling out of place. They can jump right in with the boys and not feel left out or alienated at all. Kerri is exactly like that. If she is hanging out, she is most likely the only girl in the group. This is never a bad thing.
What you need to do is sit your boyfriend down and talk to him about this. The guy likes you a lot and should understand what you are saying if you are sincere about it. I know the type of guy you are talking about and you can't just say, "Give me space" because he will take it as a personal blow. You need to explain why. You need to reassure him that it's not because of him and that you do care for him but you also value your alone time. My ex was like this and it took her 3 months to slightly understand why I would want to sit at home alone or go out alone and not hang out with her.
It may take a little bit of work but you need to sit him down and explain all the things he thinks is weird. Don't just tell him that he should go get drunk and go to a strip club with the boys. Explain to him why and reassure the fact that you still care for him as well. You need him to relate to the reasons that you need space, or want him to hang out with his buddies, or why you don't like roses. You need him to reassure him that it isn't because you like him any less, it's because that is you. Once he understands why you want space or want him to go to a strip club with the boys then he should start appreciating you for the awesome girlfriend you are.
Don't listen to what your girlfriends say about you being ungrateful, I bet some of your man's friends say the same thing to him regarding you. I know a lot of guys that would love to date a girl like you.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Lets Take A Hint
JL: lol might sound odd but ill give it a try... So i liked or still like this guy that i met and we only talked on the phone because he is very busy and i seen himm like 3 times we were i guess kinda dating for 2 months... hes going to be going away for trainning for the rcmp next momth. anyways we were talking one day and then he didnt contact me for a week and then we sent me an elmail saying
JL: we cant talk no more and lets drop everything and that hes again sorry
JL: so why would somebody just all a sudden do that?also have a baby so i dont know maybe thats it too
Mason: you saw a guy 3 times and considered that dating?
JL: yeah lol we were taking things slow bc hes going away for rcmp trainning
Mason: It doesn't sound like he thought you were dating
Mason: through talking on the phone a lot and not seeing you it sounds like he is trying to avoid you
Mason: and "always being busy" is never an excuse
Mason: its always an out
Mason: its a way to let the other party not feel bad
Mason: if a guy likes a girl, it doesnt matter what he is doing, he will always make time for her
JL: also his mom wouldnt let him out bc shes overly i dunno dont jusdt let him out
JL: they are leb
Mason: and also, that letter and him saying he is busy, all together sounds like there is another girl
Mason: like while you were 'dating' he was with someone
Mason: but didn't want to tell you because he didn't know where it would go with the person he was with
JL: so you don't think that just because he is leaving really soon could be prosible? and he doesn't want anything to get into his way? bc we were fine one day and everything....
Mason: it sounds like you are just making excuses for him
Mason: when this guy is just not that into you
JL: i was thinking to send him a letter and explaing he should of atleast told me wat was happening and stuff should i?
JL: i think its just because i need a reason why
Mason: if he liked you as much as you liked him then he would have found a way to keep things going when he was away
Mason: You are making up reasons and making excuses for him because you don't want to believe that he is just not into you
Mason: you like the guy and want to think you have a shot at something
Mason: so when he shows signs that he isn't into you then you find an excuse
Mason: it's natural behavior and lots of women do it
JL: but wat about a reason do you think if i send him a letter you think he would at least say why?
Mason: most guys dont like confrontation
Mason: so instead of being honest and giving reasons, they just skirt the issue
Mason: and stop talking to the girl
Mason: or they are always busy
Mason: or something of the sort
Mason: if you sent him a letter, I dont think he will respond
Mason: and if he did I think it would be a vague response and then he wouldn't talk to you after he came back
JL: we cant talk no more and lets drop everything and that hes again sorry
JL: so why would somebody just all a sudden do that?also have a baby so i dont know maybe thats it too
Mason: you saw a guy 3 times and considered that dating?
JL: yeah lol we were taking things slow bc hes going away for rcmp trainning
Mason: It doesn't sound like he thought you were dating
Mason: through talking on the phone a lot and not seeing you it sounds like he is trying to avoid you
Mason: and "always being busy" is never an excuse
Mason: its always an out
Mason: its a way to let the other party not feel bad
Mason: if a guy likes a girl, it doesnt matter what he is doing, he will always make time for her
JL: also his mom wouldnt let him out bc shes overly i dunno dont jusdt let him out
JL: they are leb
Mason: and also, that letter and him saying he is busy, all together sounds like there is another girl
Mason: like while you were 'dating' he was with someone
Mason: but didn't want to tell you because he didn't know where it would go with the person he was with
JL: so you don't think that just because he is leaving really soon could be prosible? and he doesn't want anything to get into his way? bc we were fine one day and everything....
Mason: it sounds like you are just making excuses for him
Mason: when this guy is just not that into you
JL: i was thinking to send him a letter and explaing he should of atleast told me wat was happening and stuff should i?
JL: i think its just because i need a reason why
Mason: if he liked you as much as you liked him then he would have found a way to keep things going when he was away
Mason: You are making up reasons and making excuses for him because you don't want to believe that he is just not into you
Mason: you like the guy and want to think you have a shot at something
Mason: so when he shows signs that he isn't into you then you find an excuse
Mason: it's natural behavior and lots of women do it
JL: but wat about a reason do you think if i send him a letter you think he would at least say why?
Mason: most guys dont like confrontation
Mason: so instead of being honest and giving reasons, they just skirt the issue
Mason: and stop talking to the girl
Mason: or they are always busy
Mason: or something of the sort
Mason: if you sent him a letter, I dont think he will respond
Mason: and if he did I think it would be a vague response and then he wouldn't talk to you after he came back
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