What About The Ex?

I need one more piece of advice *sigh*
update:
I talked to my bf today about giving me some space. It was hard to convince him but he finally gave in. He said he will give me some space, but it can't be for more than a day.sucks,I know.
new problem:
I keep in contact with my ex's. Not every day basis but once every month or so. We sort of just keep each other updated or talk about random things. The point is, my bf hates it. He does not like me talking to them because he is afraid that i will start liking them again. How insecure is that!? plus, he does not trust me, which is weird cuz i have never cheated on him. The only reason why he does not trust me is cuz i lied to him and that is the biggest no no for him.
For about 5 months or so, he has asked me to stop talking to them and i kept refusing due to the fact that i see nothing wrong with it. He does not keep in contact with his ex's but i wouldn't even care; I believe that jealousy is the worst characteristic anyone could have. We had a huge argument last night about this and he asked me one more time to stop talking to them. He even said that this was a simple request and not a big deal,but i thought differently. He was asking me to lose contact with 3 friends i have known for years due to his insecurities.
so what did i do?
i took his offer and switched it up a bit
I could not call,text,hang out with,or look for them BUT if they were the ones who initiated anything from the above,i could reply.
He agreed and we left it as that.
is that mean? or is that another act of my selfishness? the reason why i did that is cuz i am so scared that in the future he will tell me about other ppl i cannot talk to or hang out with. What do you think? bad decision or should of handled it differently.


R

R,

Talking to ex's actually becomes an issue in a lot of relationships. You need to understand why he doesn't want you talking to your ex's, not just the fact that he doesn't want it happening. He says it's because he thinks you will fall for them all over again which may be true but there is more involved when a guy doesn't want his girlfriend talking to her ex. The jealousy that you are talking about isn't necessarily the same jealousy he would feel if he saw you flirting with another guy. This is completely different. It is the jealousy of knowing that your ex was with you before him. The fact that you have shared intimacy, emotions and all the other stuff that comes with a relationship with him. That is the part that hurts and that is why he doesn't want to think about you talking to your ex's. Every time your boyfriend hears that you are talking to your ex it just reminds him of other guys you have been with and that is never a good thing for a guy to be thinking about.

My ex and I used to fight about this all the time. What made me upset about it wasn't that I thought she was going to go and cheat or something. It was the fact that the guys she was talking to were still attracted to her. I knew it and she knew it and that was the problem.

My whole theory was that en ex is an ex for a reason. It means no exceptions. If you and your ex want to be best friends then why aren't you still together? It just doesn't make sense and trying to figure out why my ex wanted to keep in touch with her ex fiance that lived in a different country wasn't easy.

In all fairness, you aren't being selfish but a relationship is about compromise and you should come to an agreement. One of the hardest things to do in a relationship is to see things from your partner's point of view. You need to be able to do this to see how he feels and how you are making him feel by talking to your ex's. He probably feels that your ex's are still attracted to you and that may be what the underlying issue is. You need talk to him and help him realize that you are with him and no matter who is attracted to you, it sucks for them because you are with him. Jealousy stems from insecurities but if you reinforce your feelings for him then you can help make him secure with himself and your relationship which, in turn, would make some of the jealousy go away. That is a lot easier said than done.

Remember, a relationship isn't 50/50 it's 100/100 and both of you have to give your all, understand each other, and compromise to make it work.