All The Eggs In One Basket

My story is entirely different from anything I've ever read or seen........and entirely too long to type out.

Basically, I've been in love with someone for 2 years who has been unavailable to me due to mostly reasons beyond our control....there was a time where he was my 'boss' and we were worried for his life (literally) because of the people he/we were involved with, and the amount of money at stake....through this, there were trials of trust and friendship that I can't even begin to describe...

I have poured my heart out to him twice now, and both times he told me that it wasn't the right time...that time will tell...but he can't right now...blah blah blah, yet won't let me forget about him even though I moved 2500 miles away...

I will be moving back in 6 weeks, but he doesn't know that yet.

He has taken better care of me than any other man in my life, and I care for him for all the right reasons...and through all of this, we only 'messed around' ONE time (which was when I came home for a visit last Christmas, AFTER I'd poured my heart out for the 2nd time back in October over the phone)...and we never slept together. When I lived [there], he would periodically do completely random acts of love.......or at least thats what I conceived these acts to be.....yet never tried to take advantage of me or anything of that nature.

The thing of it is, he's ruined my life! I haven't met anyone that even remotely compares to him, or that I would like to spend time with...should I just assume he will never give in and be with me and treat him as a platonic and/or business friend, or should I give it some time after I move back? He has never given me a straight answer to anything........except, "Not now".

How long is long enough to wait around for someone before making the decision for them and cutting them out of your life?

By the way, I'm 23 and he's 26.

Any advice you have would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

Julie

Julie,

Just from that letter and what you said, I wouldn't be surprised if he was gay. Most likely I am completely wrong but I entertained that thought while reading your letter.

You should never wait around for someone. By waiting around you are missing so many opportunities that come by. Yes, he is always in the back of your mind but can the next guy you go on a date with be the one? You would never know because of that thought of you possibly getting with the one you are thinking about. It will just cloud your mind and help you make irrational decisions.

If a man wanted to be with a woman it would happen. "Not now", is just an excuse to prolong making a decision. If you really cared about someone you would give them a straight answer and not let them hang on the ropes waiting.

My advice is to not stress on the situation. Yes, he is a great guy. Yes, you do have feelings for him and would like to be with him but why press the issue?? How would you feel if he told you tomorrow that he didn't want to be with you. You would have spent all the time "waiting around" in vain and it would have meant nothing but you have to entertain that as a possibility as well. Basically, don't put all your eggs in one basket. If something is going to happen then it will. Pressing the issue with him won't do anything except hurt you in the long run because of all that you are missing out on waiting around.

You don't need to move on, just don't count on something that isn't a for sure thing. The more effort you put into him before you even know he shares the feelings, the more you have to lose. Be careful and keep that on the back burner and entertain other options now.