Dear Mason,
I met this guy through some mutual friends. Him and I started hanging out after meeting a few times. It was a lot of fun, he would take me out and show me a good time and we always got along really well. We had a lot in common and meshed really well. He was really shy when we first started hanging out but after getting to know him, he is one of the biggest sweethearts I have ever met. We had kissed and fooled around a little bit but still hadn't had sex. We had the opportunity to have sex many times but it just never seemed right. One day, during one of our hot make out sessions, one thing led to another and we ended up having sex and before I knew it was over. It wasn't the best but I still think this guy is great and want to give him another chance. He left a little bit after that because he had work in the morning. Ever since that night he has been super distant with me. Normally he would send me a text in the morning to say "Good Morning!" and we would talk throughout the day but now it's not like that. He hasn't initiated conversation at all. I don't want to think that he would just want to get in my pants, I thought he was different. I just don't get it. HELP!
-Not Another Girl
Not Another Girl,
Normally I would say that this is the classic case of hump 'em and dump 'em but there were some elements that make me think otherwise. First of all, hump 'em and dump 'em normally lasts 2 dates max, this guy sounded like he put in time and you guys were actually clicking. Another thing, you guys fooled around a few times and it didn't lead to sex. If he was all about just trying to get in your pants then he wouldn't JUST fool around. He would try for more each time and eventually give up and stop calling. That is ONLY if he was trying to get in your pants but this seems different. If a guy is content with where a relationship is in the beginning with no sex involved then it means he actually really likes you. Of course sex is important but it's not the most important.
This sounds like the guy was having second thoughts about his performance. This has happened to all guys before. Your soldier salutes to soon and you're left trying to make excuses. A guys performance means a lot to him and if he didn't think he gave it his all then he will be hesitant to ask for an encore. If you didn't think it was good then the guy probably knows it and is completely embarrassed he blew his one shot. (no pun intended)
It sounds like the guy is into you from what you told me about you guys having fun and connecting together so don't let 1 bad sexual episode get in the middle of it. You need to initiate conversation with him and bring up the sex. Don't be mean and don't say it was bad. Casual is the best way to bring it up. Yes, this has happened to me before many years ago when I was just a shy guy and not very good with girls. I avoided the girl like the plague until she approached me and the subject at the same time. She was completely forward about it and told me she had a great time that night and we should do it again real soon. Looking back, now I know that she wasn't telling the truth but it helped my confidence so much and I went back to how I was with her before. I ended up dating her for 2 years.
No guy puts in more than 3 dates and countless make out sessions to sleep with a girl and not call her again.
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4 comments:
I agree. Sounds like the guy feels rotten for the lousy sex.
I'm sorry, but I disagree. Guys will go to a LOT of trouble to sleep with a girl. Only lazy guys will limit themselves to two dates.
Now on the other hand, a guy that wants to hold off on sex until the relationship is more serious (or is at least totally willing to do so) is not trying to get in your pants. Find a guy like that and you're golden.
And yes, they do exist. Lots of them.
From personal experience and hearing it from countless friends, if a guy JUST wants to sleep with a girl and nothing else then the least possible effort is put in to be able to sleep with that girl. In my heyday when I used to avoid relationships and have numerous girls I was 'talking' too, I would never put in much effort to sleep with 1 girl, I had girls I was 'seeing' and that was good enough.
If any 1 guy puts in a ton of effort JUST to sleep with a girl and not pursue a relationship then that guy's priorities are out of wack.
A study showed that on average, it takes 7 hours from the minute a male and female meet to the time they have sex. This 7 hours could be all in 1 night or 1 hour a day for 7 days. This includes phone time as well. That's not to say that there are those girls that will play hard to get and those guys that do chase and vice versa.
I am not claiming to speak on behalf of all men but I am claiming to know how the average male psyche works but keep in mind that everyone is different.
Most guys who are not virgins unconsciously know about the 7 hour rule. This rule applies when the guy is trying to sleep with the girl.
If I meet a girl that intrigues, fascinates, and awes me then I could care less about the sex, it's about being with her and trying to find out as much as you can about her to qualify her as a potential suitor for me.
If I meet a girl that is just hot and has somewhat of a personality and I can kind of put up with her and I haven't dated anyone in a while then yes, the 7 hour rule does apply and if things don't start moving faster to make up for her lack of personality then I will get bored and move on.
-Mason
Oooh, I want to read that 7 hour rule study. That sounds so interesting!
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