Dear Mason,
I fell for a guy at work. Even though he was in another city, we became good friends over the phone. He moved to where I stay in January and we started working in the same department.
We started talking almost daily. He used to call me every night, he took me to select a house for him too!
I finally confessed that I loved him and after a long silence of 10 days, he came back to me and said that he really likes me too but is not sure if he loves me. He said he needs some time to figure it out and that we should try seeing each other meantime.
We started going out and I was so happy!! I was very emotionally involved but he wasn't so emotionally involved. He would be great over sms or telephone but very aloof when we were together in person
However, just after three weeks, he said that he does not think it would work out! His reasons were that he doesn't think he cares for me too much and that he will never change as a person. He also said that the problem lies with him and not with me! I think these are just evasive tactics and that he simply didn't like me.
What I cant understand is how he could dump me in 3 weeks??
We were best friends before but now have completely stopped talking to each other. I dont know what to do now and how to handle this situation.
Most of all, I need answers to why he dumped me and what was so bad!
Please help! I have to see him everyday and it kills me
- Fat, Lonely and Sad
Lonely and Sad,
Something like this just happened to a friend of mine about a month ago and I warned him about it and I was right in the end. He met a girl and she lives in a different city and after they met they had an amazing phone relationship. That's all it was in the beginning. Texting every day and a 2 hour long phone conversation about once a week. He was telling me how into her he was after all this talking but then I reminded him about how he only met her in person once. I told him not to get his hopes up because once he builds too much attraction before seeing her again then he will be let down once they do get together. After they did hang out he was disappointed and didn't know why.
This happened because there was too much attraction generated and when he hung out with her he was let down because he didn't feel the same way hanging out with her as he did when he was talking on the phone with her. He hung out with her a couple more times but was distant the entire time and eventually just stopped talking to her. Emotional and physical attraction didn't develop together so when he went out with her again his physical attraction to her didn't match his emotional attraction so things were awkward and didn't feel right to him which led him to slowly stop talking to her.
Guys need to be physically and emotionally attracted to a female in order for things to escalate.
For your guy it sounds like it was too much too fast for him. It will completely scare a guy off if you express too much interest and attraction if he isn't sharing those feelings with you. It sounds like he just isn't that into you. After you confessed your love to him then it will be hard for him to be friends with you after that because it's always hard to try to be JUST friends with someone who you know if in love with you. Any chance of a relationship here seems doomed. You scared him off too early. He is probably thinking that the only relationship you want with him is an intimate one. If you like him as a person then approach him and let him know you are interested in being just friends. Let him know that you miss his friend ship and want it back and see how he reacts. Address the issue that you moved too fast and then the rest is up to him and his comfort levels.
After you breach someone's comfort levels it's hard to get back to that place you were before. Identify someone's comfort levels and you will never have a problem with moving too fast.
Lonely and Sad,
Something like this just happened to a friend of mine about a month ago and I warned him about it and I was right in the end. He met a girl and she lives in a different city and after they met they had an amazing phone relationship. That's all it was in the beginning. Texting every day and a 2 hour long phone conversation about once a week. He was telling me how into her he was after all this talking but then I reminded him about how he only met her in person once. I told him not to get his hopes up because once he builds too much attraction before seeing her again then he will be let down once they do get together. After they did hang out he was disappointed and didn't know why.
This happened because there was too much attraction generated and when he hung out with her he was let down because he didn't feel the same way hanging out with her as he did when he was talking on the phone with her. He hung out with her a couple more times but was distant the entire time and eventually just stopped talking to her. Emotional and physical attraction didn't develop together so when he went out with her again his physical attraction to her didn't match his emotional attraction so things were awkward and didn't feel right to him which led him to slowly stop talking to her.
Guys need to be physically and emotionally attracted to a female in order for things to escalate.
For your guy it sounds like it was too much too fast for him. It will completely scare a guy off if you express too much interest and attraction if he isn't sharing those feelings with you. It sounds like he just isn't that into you. After you confessed your love to him then it will be hard for him to be friends with you after that because it's always hard to try to be JUST friends with someone who you know if in love with you. Any chance of a relationship here seems doomed. You scared him off too early. He is probably thinking that the only relationship you want with him is an intimate one. If you like him as a person then approach him and let him know you are interested in being just friends. Let him know that you miss his friend ship and want it back and see how he reacts. Address the issue that you moved too fast and then the rest is up to him and his comfort levels.
After you breach someone's comfort levels it's hard to get back to that place you were before. Identify someone's comfort levels and you will never have a problem with moving too fast.
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