What If?

My question is whether a rejected guy has moved on for now, or for good. and also it right or wrong to to confess your love back to someone, a year later after they have just started to move on.

background information:

I am completely head over heels in love with my old roommate, and now friend who lives in another city. We always have the best time and the most fun together whenever he comes to visit. We've known eachother 5 years now, during which i had a baby from another relationship. Last christmas, he finally told me he was crazy about me, and has been for a while, that i turned his life upside down when he met me, he said he could move to my city after he finished school, he said the sweetest things ... then i said: not right now. because its too complicated! Living in different cities and me having a kid. i didn't mention that i was still in a controlling relationship that i was struggling to end once and for all. i told him i felt the same way but it would be better to be friends for now, until i got stable and more independent. I acted more distant so he wouldn't try to kiss me. In letters i would be more distant, because i was afraid he would try to come to my city. The truth is i was scared it wouldnt be the same if he came, he would feel bored or tied down to me if he did move here. all the while i felt like i was doing the right thing, because he is young and has a lot of living to do first, and i wasnt in a mental state to have another relationship.

its christmas again, and this year hes not coming to visit, and i hear second hand he just got a girlfriend. he hasnt told me personally anything, and hasnt written in a month. now i feel like an idiot becuase my sons a bit older, i broke with my ex, and i have been secretly hoping we could start where we left off and we could work something out this year. i am not jealous, just sad that i wont see him this year, and also really worried that this could be him gone forever. i can accept him having another girlfriend while i am not able to be with him. but i cant bear the thought of never being with him ever again. do you think now that hes moved on, he is over me? should i bring up the subject of us again, or do some gesture of love? is it selfish to do this when hes in new relationship, even when i believe its true love? what would he want me to do, let go or let him know im willing to give it a try?

thanks
selfishly in love


selfishly in love,

The easiest thing to do is just to be honest! He was honest with you once in the past and it didn't seem like it worked too well for him. After a guy confesses his true feelings like that and it goes nowhere then it is your job to make the next move after that. It is hard for a guy to confess something like that and even harder for him to confess it twice.

The girlfriend thing is expected. You don't live by him, you told him it wasn't the right time. There is no reason for him to go back home and then wait for you. Girlfriend or not it is good to let someone know how you feel. If it is meant for you two to be together then there will be a way but that way will not find itself unless you provide the catalyst. You need to let him know that you feel the same way. If things don't progress from there then at least you were able to get your feelings off your back.

Sounds like you rejected him and he moved on, as guys do. Guys are also creatures of habit so if he confessed his feelings before then there is a very strong chance he didn't lose those feelings, just stored them somewhere where he didn't have to deal with them everyday. If those feelings are there for him then it is going to take you to provoke those feelings again.

Honesty is always the best policy no matter what the situation is. Don't play games, don't beat around the bush. If he doesn't feel the same way anymore then you know you tried. It is better then looking back on this years later thinking, "What if". Everyone hates "What if's".