Time To Cut The String

I just found your website and really could use your advice.

This guy i have been dating for a year and a half told me friday that he wanted space. well we share the same friends and after he said that he slept with another girl on sat. well he still calls me and we actually slept together sun. and monday and keeps telling me how much he cares about me and that he still have feelings for me and he just needs space. i asked him if he had feelings for this other girl and he told me no at first and then he changed his answer to i don't know i might but they are different than my feelings for you. he said he just isn't ready for a relationship at this point in his life but he doesn't want to hurt me and doesn't want to lose me. he said when he is ready to be in a realtionship i wil be the first one he would think of. well we decided not to call text or see each other until his space time is over. but he keeps calling me and texting me and today i was walking my dog and he passed me. he turned around and starte talking to me talking about how hot i looked and he actually asked if he could have a hug. well during our hug he kissed me on the cheek and just hugged me tighter while he made a slight sigh of a sound. what does this mean? what do i do? what if he develops feelings for this girl and leaves me behind? what does it mean that he can't leave me alone and stop toaching me but he is the one that wants space?

-Confused



Confused,


You are a lot more into this guy than he is into you. He said he wanted space Friday and then sleeps with a girl Saturday? That is a horrible thing for him to do. That just means that he has been wanting to ask for 'space' for a while if he is able to sleep with a girl just a day after a year and a half relationship. If the guy cared for you as much as he says he does then none of this would be happening and you two would be happy and together.

I have seen a lot of guys do what this guy is doing and I personally have done this too. It is a big dirtbag move but girls fall for it so guys keep doing it. It sounds like he wants to go and hook up with other girls and have a good time without you but he will keep telling you he has feelings for you and stringing you along so you don't do the same thing. It's a huge double standard that is not ok. It is the same double standard that makes it ok for guys to be promiscuous but when a girl does it she is a slut. I bet he still does have feelings for you and tells you that because he doesn't want you running around meeting guys but in his head it's ok for him to go hook up with girls. He is basically turning you into a booty call for him and telling you how much he cares and would like to be with you in the future will stop you from moving on because he knows you will hold onto that.

When a guy says, "I don't want a relationship right now." This is just an easy out for a guy to say without actually having to explain anything and trust me, if there is an easy way for anything then guys will find it. It really means, "I don't want a relationship right now with you." In reality any guy will enter into a relationship with that right girl when she comes along. Some guys are more picky than others and "that girl" is harder to find. The more he tries to justify why he doesn't want a relationship then the more he is saying, "Not now, not with you."

I have always been a big fan of actions speak louder than words because it is so true. Think about it, this guy is telling you one thing but then doing the complete opposite. It is easy to lie with words but hard to lie with actions.

He may want to be single or he may have strong feelings for the other girl and he does have different feelings for you because of course you are going to have some sort of feelings for someone after dating them for a year and a half. No matter what it is you need to take charge here and not take his crap. Him sleeping with a girl the day after asking for space is a HUGE red flag that I would not suggest putting up with. He said he wants his space so don't give him the best of both worlds. Give him his space. Ignore his calls, texts, emails, and however else he tries to contact you. It will only hurt you more because he will only give you more excuses. You should consider what he is doing a break up. Not just a break. You need to surround yourself with positive people and go out and meet guys and have a good time.

Don't wait around for this guy if he isn't sure he wants to be with you. You could be missing out on an opportunity with another great guy while waiting around for this one as he strings you along.

Hey! Its me! That guy who doesn't want you to think he is like every other guy

I was exploring the blog world the other day and stumbled upon this post from The Girl In The Mirror who writes A Date In The Life and I absolutely loved it. If you don't read her blog then you need to start, she is awesome! There was so many true things in the post that I wanted to do the male version of it.


Hey! I saw you sitting over there with your friends. My friends and I have been noticing you girls all night but we were busy over here talking about which one of you is the cutest. We have also been arguing with each other about who is going to go up and start talking to you girls. I didn't want to because I saw some guys over there with you.

I'm glad you walked to the bar alone, it gave me a chance to make it look like I didn't mean to talk to you, I just needed to make sure my elbow bumped yours so it didn't look like I was completely hitting on you when I started talking. I like your shirt and what I mean by that is that I like the cleavage. I'm going to try my hardest to keep eye contact when talking to you because I don't want to get caught staring at your chest. I will only glance every time you look away because I think I'm smooth and I can get away with it. Who are your friends? I'm asking this instead of asking if you have a boyfriend because I don't want to seem too forward.

I'm here with my friends, I don't want you to think that I'm here to pick up girls with my friends so we'll just say that we are out to have a good time. You are too? That's really cool. Ya, I like this bar a lot. I come here at least once a week just because there is a lot of good looking girls here. I'm going to pay for my drinks with the wad of $5 bills I have or my American Express and make sure you see me do it while I'm talking to you but I won't say anything about it.

What was your name? One of the coolest girls I know has the same name as you. I thought I'd mention that I have friends that are girls so you know that I can get along with girls. Now that I know your name I can approach you again in a little bit and it won't seem too weird. I'm going to go back to my friends now to report back on you.

I don't want to seem like a creep so I'm not going to be staring at you too much. I do think you are really pretty though. I see you over there talking with your friends and not looking over here, I'm telling all my friends that the boys you are with are just work friends and that I think all your friends are single. I also told them that I think you are the cutest and that you are the one I want.

I have had enough drinks with my friends and now that I have received a little bit of liquid courage I am going to walk up and talk to you.

So you guys all work together? That is interesting. I'm going to talk with the guys a little bit more just so no one thinks I'm trying to pick anyone up here. Your friends seem to like me, now they won't get creeped out if I talk to you. I'm just here to have a good time.

I'm going to call my friends over here now. Remember I was nominated to be the one to talk to your group first so I need to get them in the door with your friends. I'm going to introduce my friends to you and then we can merge groups and my friends can talk to your friends.

Now I should buy you a drink but I don't want you to see me as a guy to get free drinks from so I'm going to excuse myself to the restroom and get myself a drink on the way back.

I'm back. Ya, I grabbed a beer on the way back from the restroom, you should have told me you wanted something and I would have grabbed it. You're silly. Now I seem like a nice guy and girls like nice guys so you should like me. I notice every time you smile, play with your hair and touch my arm. This is good, you are flirting back. You are shorter than me. I know you know that but me telling you again allows me to put my arm around you. You didn't pull away, I think you are a cool girl and your friends seem nice too. I need to tell you this so you know that I have standards and I don't become smitten with any girl that talks to me.

Oh, I just got a text, it's another girl but we are just friends. Now that I have my phone in my hand I see there is something wrong with my phone, your number isn't in it. I know that is super cheesy but I thought it would make you smile and it did. Go ahead and put your number in my phone.

I'm going to call you from my phone right now so I know you gave me a real number. I'm calling you so you can have my number too. There now you clear the call so you can save my number. My friends are flirting with your friends, I hope they aren't creeping them out or else I won't have any chance with you.

We are leaving now but we are going to have some people back at my place after this if you and your friends want to go. By people I mean, my friends that I am with here and your girls. Oh, you have work tomorrow? Ok well I'll call you sometime this week and by call I mean text.



I texted once and called once and now I have too much pride to text or call anymore. I will just assume you were drunk and don't remember me, that's fine I'll just call some other girls.

Oh ya, I did text and call, that was hours ago though. Oh that's ok if you were at work, I was busy all day. I wouldn't want you to think I was as lazy as I really am. You were fun the other night, lets get together this weekend.

I don't know, do you like baseball? Great I have tickets to a game and we can go to dinner and then the game. It's ok I'll teach you all about the game when we get there and help you cheer for the right people.

I would normally just call when I'm outside but I don't want you to know that and that is why I decided to come to your door. Oh ya, I remember your roommate, she was at the bar with you too. She is fun I like her. I hardly know her but I like her because I know it would score negative points with you if I didn't

You look great tonight. I will be cute and open the door for you but this is going to be the only time I ever do it. Ok, we are here at the restaurant, I want to hold your hand to walk in because I think you look really pretty and I want everyone to see me walk in with you but it still seems too soon.

Here we are at dinner, I brought you to this restaurant because a friend of our family owns it and I think it will make me look cool if I know a lot of the people that are working. Go ahead and order anything you want. Just stay away from the really expensive stuff, I'm pretty sure that food is reserved for anniversary's and birthdays. See how many people I know here? Doesn't that make me look real cool and popular.

Dinner was great and I think it was cute that you actually seemed sincere about paying when the bill came. I invited you out so I will cover this date. You can make it up to me by taking me out next time.

These seats at the game are great. Ya, I know a guy and dropping names also makes me seem cool as well. I think it's cute that you keep asking all these simple questions about the game. When I am answering your questions I think it makes me look really smart and I think you should know that.

I know, it is getting dark here at the game. Here, you can wear my jacket and cozy up next to me. I think it's ok if I put my arm around you. You got even closer when I did. This is great.

We should leave now and beat the traffic. I know it's still early, we can go grab a drink. I know a great place, this is the same great bar I have taken the past 4 girls too and they all seemed to like it so I am going to stick to what works.

I know, this is a cool place, you have to see the view from the patio. I know it is super romantic. I'm trying to be a super sweet guy here. Is it working? Lets grab our drinks and come on the patio. I'm going to make fun of the drink you get and say it's girly just so I can see you giggle again.

I know, this patio is very romantic. I am going to use the same line on you that has worked with many girls in the past because I want to kiss you now. I liked the way your eyes lit up after I said that. Surprisingly you aren't a bad kisser, I would know, I have experience. Well My drink is done and I do have to work tomorrow.

I like how you let me hold your hand on the way back my car, I think you may like me. I am still trying to figure out if I like you. You are a good kisser and you are cute too. That doesn't mean I'm going to like you, in fact, I don't know why I really liked any of the girls I really liked but I wouldn't mind seeing you again. I know you may get attached but I'm going to keep my distance for a but to see if I actually like you.

I wish you would invite me up now that we are parked in front of your place. Oh your roommate is up? It's ok, I understand you not wanting your roommate to see me walk in. We can make out some more in my car. Making out is fun and I already know what I'm going to text you when I am on my way home. Ya, it is getting kind of late, have a good night and tell your roommate hi for me.

I had a great night, now you get to plan the next one ;-) I make sure to text the smiley face because girls love smiley faces. I have respect for you because you didn't escalate anything past making out. If I'm lucky? That was your response? Now you are trying to play hard to get, I think that is cute but it would be more attractive if you dropped the games. Well good deal then, I'm an extremely lucky guy. Have a good night and I will talk to you tomorrow about the next time we are going to see each other.

Breaching Comfort Levels

Dear Mason,

I fell for a guy at work. Even though he was in another city, we became good friends over the phone. He moved to where I stay in January and we started working in the same department.

We started talking almost daily. He used to call me every night, he took me to select a house for him too!

I finally confessed that I loved him and after a long silence of 10 days, he came back to me and said that he really likes me too but is not sure if he loves me. He said he needs some time to figure it out and that we should try seeing each other meantime.

We started going out and I was so happy!! I was very emotionally involved but he wasn't so emotionally involved. He would be great over sms or telephone but very aloof when we were together in person

However, just after three weeks, he said that he does not think it would work out! His reasons were that he doesn't think he cares for me too much and that he will never change as a person. He also said that the problem lies with him and not with me! I think these are just evasive tactics and that he simply didn't like me.

What I cant understand is how he could dump me in 3 weeks??

We were best friends before but now have completely stopped talking to each other. I dont know what to do now and how to handle this situation.

Most of all, I need answers to why he dumped me and what was so bad!

Please help! I have to see him everyday and it kills me

- Fat, Lonely and Sad


Lonely and Sad,

Something like this just happened to a friend of mine about a month ago and I warned him about it and I was right in the end. He met a girl and she lives in a different city and after they met they had an amazing phone relationship. That's all it was in the beginning. Texting every day and a 2 hour long phone conversation about once a week. He was telling me how into her he was after all this talking but then I reminded him about how he only met her in person once. I told him not to get his hopes up because once he builds too much attraction before seeing her again then he will be let down once they do get together. After they did hang out he was disappointed and didn't know why.

This happened because there was too much attraction generated and when he hung out with her he was let down because he didn't feel the same way hanging out with her as he did when he was talking on the phone with her. He hung out with her a couple more times but was distant the entire time and eventually just stopped talking to her. Emotional and physical attraction didn't develop together so when he went out with her again his physical attraction to her didn't match his emotional attraction so things were awkward and didn't feel right to him which led him to slowly stop talking to her.

Guys need to be physically and emotionally attracted to a female in order for things to escalate.

For your guy it sounds like it was too much too fast for him. It will completely scare a guy off if you express too much interest and attraction if he isn't sharing those feelings with you. It sounds like he just isn't that into you. After you confessed your love to him then it will be hard for him to be friends with you after that because it's always hard to try to be JUST friends with someone who you know if in love with you. Any chance of a relationship here seems doomed. You scared him off too early. He is probably thinking that the only relationship you want with him is an intimate one. If you like him as a person then approach him and let him know you are interested in being just friends. Let him know that you miss his friend ship and want it back and see how he reacts. Address the issue that you moved too fast and then the rest is up to him and his comfort levels.

After you breach someone's comfort levels it's hard to get back to that place you were before. Identify someone's comfort levels and you will never have a problem with moving too fast.

Breakup And Detach

(2:14:41 PM) KB: dude
(2:14:58 PM) KB: wats up
(2:15:00 PM) Mason Stanley: nuthin
(2:15:03 PM) Mason Stanley: how u doin>
(2:15:12 PM) KB: heart broken
(2:15:18 PM) KB: over this ex gf
(2:15:40 PM) KB: i cant stop thinking about her doing it w guys
(2:15:45 PM) Mason Stanley: oh
(2:15:50 PM) Mason Stanley: wasnt that a while ago?
(2:15:57 PM) KB: ya but now shes doing guys
(2:16:12 PM) Mason Stanley: thats what is gunna happen when 2 people break up
(2:16:17 PM) Mason Stanley: they eventually move on
(2:16:20 PM) Mason Stanley: and do other people
(2:16:25 PM) KB: yup
(2:16:29 PM) KB: so what doo i do
(2:16:36 PM) KB: i do it w other people
(2:16:41 PM) KB: but that doesnt help
(2:23:31 PM) Mason Stanley: you cant do it to get back
(2:23:41 PM) Mason Stanley: you just need to move on
(2:23:54 PM) Mason Stanley: lose her number
(2:23:58 PM) Mason Stanley: rid her from ur life
(2:24:10 PM) Mason Stanley: get rid of EVERYTHING that is hers or reminds you of her
(2:24:19 PM) Mason Stanley: delete emails, texts, phone numbers and all that stuff
(2:24:29 PM) KB: o man its rough
(2:24:47 PM) KB: i dont want to b w her but my mind is fooling me into thinking i want to b
(2:24:57 PM) Mason Stanley: its not supposed to be easy
(2:25:32 PM) Mason Stanley: you have do embrace being single, stop lookling tio eff people to get back at her cause thats a black hole you dont wanna enter
(2:26:22 PM) KB: i feel like an asshole jock
(2:26:36 PM) KB: who doesnt want his woman being w anyone else
(2:27:00 PM) KB: and its making me crazy
(2:27:28 PM) Mason Stanley: hahah
(2:27:34 PM) Mason Stanley: ur letting it get to you
(2:27:40 PM) KB: yes definately
(2:27:45 PM) Mason Stanley: you cant
(2:27:46 PM) KB: and i dont usually care at all
(2:27:56 PM) Mason Stanley: u have to ignore it
(2:27:59 PM) Mason Stanley: not think about it
(2:28:04 PM) KB: how
(2:28:07 PM) Mason Stanley: instead of focusing on that
(2:28:10 PM) Mason Stanley: focus on good stuff
(2:28:16 PM) Mason Stanley: you surround yourself with positive people
(2:28:20 PM) Mason Stanley: and do stuff
(2:28:27 PM) KB: true
(2:28:41 PM) KB: but i have a sidekick
(2:28:49 PM) KB: and i text her and shot
(2:28:51 PM) KB: shiot
(2:28:54 PM) Mason Stanley: you cant do that
(2:28:57 PM) Mason Stanley: delete her number
(2:29:02 PM) Mason Stanley: talking to her is a very bad thing to do
(2:29:16 PM) KB: fuck
(2:29:30 PM) KB: its really crazy cuz im usually the last guy who would vare
(2:29:33 PM) KB: care
(2:31:01 PM) KB: good advice
(2:31:07 PM) KB: should i drink
(2:31:17 PM) KB: cuz that makes my irish blood get sad
(2:34:53 PM) KB: and boil
(2:36:16 PM) Mason Stanley: no drinking
(2:36:27 PM) Mason Stanley: well drinking is ok but not alone and not because ur in a bad mood
(2:36:32 PM) Mason Stanley: only for happy times
(2:36:36 PM) Mason Stanley: with positive people
(2:40:43 PM) KB: im going gay
(2:45:02 PM) Mason Stanley: hahaha
(2:46:41 PM) KB: dudes are alot easier
(2:46:43 PM) KB: beer?
(2:46:46 PM) KB: bj?
(2:48:59 PM) Mason Stanley: they are happy
(2:49:01 PM) Mason Stanley: done and done
(3:26:44 PM) KB: good advice
(3:26:50 PM) KB: no more facebook
(3:26:54 PM) Mason Stanley: delete her
(3:26:58 PM) Mason Stanley: from myspaace
(3:27:00 PM) Mason Stanley: facebook
(3:27:01 PM) Mason Stanley: phone
(3:27:08 PM) Mason Stanley: cause if you dont then u will just wanna know
(3:27:11 PM) Mason Stanley: and you will get curious
(3:27:15 PM) Mason Stanley: and it will be too easy
(3:27:17 PM) KB: exactly
(3:27:21 PM) Mason Stanley: and then you will get down on urself
(3:27:50 PM) KB: Thanks for the advice man, i'll let you know how everything works out.

Mason's Rant

I kind of went on a rant on another posting. There is some stuff in there that should be here.

Enjoy

Grateful Is Good

If You Love Someone, Let Them Go

Dear Mason,

I am a 19 year old female who has been in a serious relationship for almost 2 years now. Give our age difference (he's 30), he's been one of the most wonderful guys i've ever dated. But starting at the beiginning of this year, I started to question things. Wondering if i'm ready for a commitment or if i want to "act my age" and date different people or just have to option of being by myself. I don't know what brought on these inner thoughts of mine, but they've been haunting me since. I've told him how I felt, however, but i'm still not sure of what I want. Given some background information, I haven't been the most faithful partner (that which he knows of too) yet he is wililng to wait for me and work things out. But agian, i'm not sure if that's what i want. Not sure of much at all. I do have a few guy friends that i've been hanging out with since our current break, which also makes me feel slightly guilty but at the same time i'm having fun. And also, i'm not sure if i'm being very fair about the situation seeing as he is not wanting to go out and meet people and i am. It almost feels like i'm using him. But i'm not sure if i want to break up with him completely. Sometimes i think it would be best though. Any tips/advice would be greatly appreciated on how to handle this situation.

Thank you

sophia


Dear Sophia,

You are young, these thoughts are VERY normal. On one hand you really like this guy and don't want to leave him but on the other hand you are thinking that you are giving up your youth for this relationship. The guy sounds like he understands as well. He knows what it's like to be your age and want to explore and see if there is anything out there because u feel stuck right now. This guy sounds like a keeper and wants to make you comfortable with your decision to stay with him so you don't have regrets later on.

Just because you have your space from him and you're hanging out with guys and 'acting your age' that doesn't mean you have to be unfaithful too. You shouldn't settle for being with someone you aren't head over heels for. You need to imagine 2 different realities here. Imagine your life if you ended it with him today and then imagine if you stuck with him. Which one do you like best? Which one can you see yourself doing? It sounds like you are scared to make a commitment right now because of your age but I think that if you did end it and go explore and 'act your age' then you would go right back to being with him after you saw the way guys your age can act in a relationship.

Take the break as a chance to have fun and hang out with boys, you can do that and still be faithful and not feel guilty about it. It's your chance to act your age and you can still be with your guy and live happily ever after. Your guy sounds like a keeper. He is living by the old saying, "If you love someone, let them go and if they come back to you then they are yours."

Embarassed By Bad Sex

Dear Mason,

I met this guy through some mutual friends. Him and I started hanging out after meeting a few times. It was a lot of fun, he would take me out and show me a good time and we always got along really well. We had a lot in common and meshed really well. He was really shy when we first started hanging out but after getting to know him, he is one of the biggest sweethearts I have ever met. We had kissed and fooled around a little bit but still hadn't had sex. We had the opportunity to have sex many times but it just never seemed right. One day, during one of our hot make out sessions, one thing led to another and we ended up having sex and before I knew it was over. It wasn't the best but I still think this guy is great and want to give him another chance. He left a little bit after that because he had work in the morning. Ever since that night he has been super distant with me. Normally he would send me a text in the morning to say "Good Morning!" and we would talk throughout the day but now it's not like that. He hasn't initiated conversation at all. I don't want to think that he would just want to get in my pants, I thought he was different. I just don't get it. HELP!


-Not Another Girl


Not Another Girl,

Normally I would say that this is the classic case of hump 'em and dump 'em but there were some elements that make me think otherwise. First of all, hump 'em and dump 'em normally lasts 2 dates max, this guy sounded like he put in time and you guys were actually clicking. Another thing, you guys fooled around a few times and it didn't lead to sex. If he was all about just trying to get in your pants then he wouldn't JUST fool around. He would try for more each time and eventually give up and stop calling. That is ONLY if he was trying to get in your pants but this seems different. If a guy is content with where a relationship is in the beginning with no sex involved then it means he actually really likes you. Of course sex is important but it's not the most important.

This sounds like the guy was having second thoughts about his performance. This has happened to all guys before. Your soldier salutes to soon and you're left trying to make excuses. A guys performance means a lot to him and if he didn't think he gave it his all then he will be hesitant to ask for an encore. If you didn't think it was good then the guy probably knows it and is completely embarrassed he blew his one shot. (no pun intended)

It sounds like the guy is into you from what you told me about you guys having fun and connecting together so don't let 1 bad sexual episode get in the middle of it. You need to initiate conversation with him and bring up the sex. Don't be mean and don't say it was bad. Casual is the best way to bring it up. Yes, this has happened to me before many years ago when I was just a shy guy and not very good with girls. I avoided the girl like the plague until she approached me and the subject at the same time. She was completely forward about it and told me she had a great time that night and we should do it again real soon. Looking back, now I know that she wasn't telling the truth but it helped my confidence so much and I went back to how I was with her before. I ended up dating her for 2 years.

No guy puts in more than 3 dates and countless make out sessions to sleep with a girl and not call her again.