College Virgin?

Dear Mason:

I found your blog fascinating, and I read through every single entry over the last couple of days. However, I have an issue that I was hoping I could talk to you about.

I am a twenty-two-year-old college senior. I think I'm pretty attractive, I'm smart, I like football and baseball, and I have lots of guy friends. I don't have trouble getting dates, really...the trouble comes after.

This wasn't really an issue in high school, but since I came to college, I've had two seperate incidences that have left me a little shaken. Both times, up until this point, the relationships were smooth and fun...we went out on several dates, had a good time, a kiss goodnight at the front door, nothing more. The first relationship lasted about six weeks, my sophomore year of college. We went out every weekend and a couple of times each week. The night we broke up, he dropped me off at home, and then he realized he'd locked his housekey inside his apartment. So he wanted to wait at my place until his roommate came home to let him in. I agreed, turned on a movie, and we sat down to wait. Long story short, the movie turned into a makeout session (which hadn't ever happened before), and I stopped it before it got too far, because I felt that I needed to be honest with him. I'm a virgin.

It hadn't ever come up before, because I'd never been in a serious relationship. But he got mad at me, told me I'd led him on, and left. I never talked to him again.

At first, I thought that he was just a jerk, and I tried to put it out of my mind. But just this past fall, I encountered the same issue. This time, the "number" question came up, this time about three weeks into the relationship. When I told him that I'd never been with anyone else, he thought I was lying to him. I tried to explain, but the relationship quickly fizzed out, and by the end of that week, we were hardly talking.

So my question is this: I'm certainly not willing to throw my First Time away, so how do I talk about this without coming across as a liar or a tease?

Sorry this is so long. Thanks for your help!
-L

L,

First off, let me start off by saying that being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed about, it is something to be proud of. I have friends that are still virgins and I have nothing but the utmost respect for them. With that said, onto the questions.

First of all, you aren't a tease unless a guy expects sex and if a guy is expecting sex then he is probably not the guy for you. Ok, all guys want sex but the right guys won't mind waiting. If I met a girl that I was all about then I would have no qualms waiting to have sex with her until she felt comfortable. Like you said, "I'm certainly not willing to throw my First Time away" which is good because the right guy will understand and go at your speed. The guys that are getting mad and running away when they find out that you are a virgin are after the low hanging fruit. These guys are after the girls they can take out for a drink and then take back to their place for a night of debauchery.

Never think of your virginity as a bad thing. That is something you should be proud of. I'm not saying to go around and flaunt it at every opportunity but if I was a virgin I would for sure mention it within the first couple times of hanging out with a girl. The easiest way to bring it up in the future is to mention it early and playfully. I would bring it up in casual conversation and see how the guy reacts. If the guy's reaction is not what you want it to be then you have just saved yourself a lot of time. If it is what you want it to be then you can turn the conversation serious and go from there.

By any means, don't think of your virginity as a bad thing. It is something to be proud of and something you don't want to throw away.